Alexander LaVelle Harris - The Zeppo


(Picture donated by 'Nessa)

"I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me."


Xander Harris has lived in Sunnydale his entire life. His best friend for like, forever is Willow. They have a long history together. They dated for a little while, but broke up because he stole her Barbie (they were 5). he also participated in games of 'Doctor's and Nurses' with Willow which gave her the chance to diagnose nasty illnesses for him. He hadn't the heart to tell her that she was doing it wrong.

Sophmore Year
It wasn't until Buffy came to town that he realised the amount of strange things that went on in Sunnydale. Then he discovered Buffy's *Big* secret when he found a stake that Buffy dropped ("Are you making a really tiny fence?") and accidentally overheard a conversation between Buffy and Giles.

Now a member of the newly formed Slayerettes (members, Xander and Willow) Xander helped Buffy fight numerous things that go bump in the night (or more correctly, get beaten up by them).

They included the new supply teacher, Natalie French, by day a beautiful young lady, but by night an icky preying mantis lady. She attracted innocent young virgins to her lair, mated with them and then bit their heads off. uh oh, Xander. Luckily, Buffy arrived just in time to save him.

The mysterious zoo keeper whose hyena's possessed Xander and the school's mean kids, making them meaner and nastier. It was a total personality change for Xander, who now prowled the corridors, humiliated Willow in public and tried to 'jump Buffy's bones' (who hit him over the head with a desk). He also ate the school mascot before he was changed back to normal.

When everyone's nightmares started to come true, Xander found himself walking into class practically naked and being chased through the corridors of the school by a knife wielding clown. (It all dated back to his 6th birthday party). He faced his fear by turning round and punching the clown in the face and dissing his balloon animals (ouch!) Buffy was turned into a vampire by her own fear who Xander found strangely attractive. Willow agreed with him when he decided he was feakish.

Xander proved his worth to the Slayerettes when he went to the heart of the Master's lair (with a reluctant Angel) to save Buffy. They found her lying dead in a pool of water and Xander gave her CPR to revive her so she could save the world.

He might not be the most intelligent member of the gang, but he is one of the bravest.

Junior Year
Love seemed to be in the air at the beginning of Xander's Junior year. Buffy had gone to LA, the vampire threat was practically non-existant and him and Willow had had a leisurely time. The night before school was to start, Xander and Willow were walking back from an evening out, playing the quote game and almost sharing a kiss when a vmapire jumped out on them and they had to be saved by Buffy. Now the Buffster was back poor Willow was out of the love picture, but Buffy had changed, she seemed meaner and things reached a head when she had a very sexy dance with Xander to make Angel jealous.

Xander proved his 'stupid but brave' credentials when he saved Cordelia (the hate of his life) from a lab fire, plunging into the flames to get her out.

More girl trouble loomed when Buffy's exchange student, the beautiful Ampata turned up. He was instantly besotted (in the way only boys can), shunning Willow again. He taught Amapata the proper way to eat Twinkies nand even invited her to the dance as his date. Unfortunately, Amapta was really a thousand year old mummy who could only stay alive by sucking the life out of innocent bystanders. Xander proved himself 'brave but stupid' again by offering himself to Amapta in place of Willow.

On Halloween Xander got himself tooled up as an Army guy with a costume from Ethan Rayne's shop. It turned him into a real military guy with tattoo's and everything. His knowledge from this time would prove rather useful later on.

When the new Slayer turned up Xander's love life took a new (unexpected) direction. Buffy had disappeared and Giles told Xander to go round to her house and see if he could find her. Not having any transport he dragged Cordelia along. One of the Order of Taraka mistook Cordy for Buffy and tried to attack them. Xander and Cordy sought refuge in Buffy's basement, where they effectively trapped themselves, as Cordy repeatedly pointed out. tehy had a huge arguement which ended up in them kissing. Deciding they really needed to get out of there they took their chances against the worm-guy and escaped. Then started an illicit tryst which mainly took place in various closests around the school, because they were both so embarrased (esp. Cordy).

They kept in secret as well until Willow caught them kissing behind the bookstacks in the library. Now the secret was out and Cordy had to take a lot of flak from her Cordettes. Xander, however, ignored the jibes and the teasing from Buffy and bought Cordy a pretty pendant for Valentine's day. he made a real effort though, only to have it pulled out from under him when Cordy (unable to cope with the teasing) dumped him in the middle of the Bronze.

Xander decided it was time for revenge and blackmailed Amy Madison (Catherine's witchy daughter) into putting a love spell on Cordelia. However, it backfired and made the female population fall in love with him. Buffy came to school dressed in nothing but a short raincoat, Willow was in his bed and even Drusilla wanted him for himself. It also had the unpleasent side effect of making everyone hate Cordy and Xander had to rescue her from a lynching in the school corridors. Once Cordy realised that Xander had caused all this trouble for her they ended up going back out again.

When Buffy was taken down by the flu, it was Xander who guarded her and stood up to Angelus, daring him to take him honour (another 'brave but stupid' moment)

And when members of the swim team started disappearing, it was Xander who tried out for the team and went undercover ("Not under much" - Buffy), even managing to save Buffy from the Fish Monsters that once were the swim team.

When Angelus tried to open the gates to Hell, Xander was on hand to help Buffy. When they were ambused in the library Xander got his arm snapped by a vmap, but that didn't slow him down. He sat by Willow's bed while she was in a coma, telling her that he loved her (ahhh) and went as Cavalry to help Buffy fight Angelus. The only black mark against his selfless acts was his not telling Buffy that Willow was going to try the Spell of Restoration again, which worked this time and gave Angel his soul back. Buffy traumatised by sending her boyfriend to Hell vanished, leaving Xander, Oz and Willow to guard Sunnydale against the hellmouth.

Senior Year
With Buffy apparently vanished off the face of the earth, it was upto the rest of the Slayerettes to keep the vamps off the street, (with varying degrees of success). He was also the first of the Slayerettes to welcome Buffy back, although her welcome back party did degenerate into a huge argument with Xander and the Slayer facing off, and Xander talking some sense into her.

Angel's return from Hell led to more problems for Xander. Seeing Buffy acting strangely he decided to follow her and caught her with Angel. taking the moral high ground, he again faced Buffy out, because everyone else was just too polite. he might get annoyed with her, but he has her best interests at heart.

It was the Homecoming dance and Willow wanted Xander's advice on clothes that would make Oz go 'wow'. So off he went to her house to see her go through the entire contents of her wardrobe. Xander was rather impressed by Willow's choice. Willow had a little 'I don't know if I can dance' panic and Xander showed her how easy it was (and this coming from the guy with the patented Xander-dance!). There slow dancing dissolved into a kiss which they blamed on the clothes saying it was a Clothes Fluke. But the seeds had been sown and Xander and Willow both began cheating on Cordelia and Oz, even mirroring the events of a year before by kissing behind the bookstacks.

But it was bound to go wrong, and it did - spectaculary. Spike came back to town and kidnapped Willow and Xander, who were trying to perform a de-lusting spell, trapped in the ruins of the factory and facing probable death Xander and Willow shared a 'exemption for impending death kiss' which their rescuers, Cordelia and Oz walked in on.

Cordy, terribly hurt by all this, made a wish, wishing that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. And the world they knew changed. In this reality Xander was a leather (hmmm) wearing vampire, one of the Master's top men; who (along with Vampire Willow) terrorised the human inhabitants of Sunnydale. Cordy - annoyed that even in this reality they were together - became their next meal. The arrival of Buffy to stop the Master led to a huge fight in the warehouse where she staked Xander consigning him to dust.

The real world Xander was not having much luck of his own. Hated by Cordelia and teased by the Cordettes he felt quite cut off from everyone, including the Scooby Gang. Everyone else had special powers or intelligence, he was just the normal guy that everyone else had to protect. When the hellmouth looked ready to blow the gang kept Xander out of it, telling him there was nothing wrong, although Will did give it away somewhat by giving him a hige hug and basically saying 'I love you, goodbye'. But Xander had problems of his own, in the form of a Zombie student, Jack O'Toole who had planted a bomb under the school. Xander went to defuse it and found jack there. Xander persuaded him (with no more than a look) to stop the bomb, therefore saving the school and saving everyone in the library and therefore saving the world. Xander also had the honour that night of saving Faith from trouble and she in returned give him a (ahem!) gift.

When Faith turned bad, it was Xander who went to talk to her (because they shared a 'connection') and in return Faith tried to kill him. He was saved by Angel of all people.

Life took a turn for the surreal when Willow's vampire counterpart was transported to Sunnydale, but learning that somewhere in the universe he was a bad ass vampire cheered him somewhat.

The Senior Prom loomed and Xander had a limited choice of dates; Anya or his sock puppet of love. He chose Anya, who spent the whole night telling him about the horrible curses she put on people when she was a demon. he didn't win the Class Clown award (but there's no accounting for taste)

The Ascension day came and Buffy told Xander (in front of everyone else) that he was her key-guy, the person who holds the group (and Buffy) together. Quite pleased with his honour, but also suspicious of her motives, he asked her what she wanted him to do. Buffy wanted him to lead the students into battle against the Mayor, but he had to work with Angel to do so. (cue 'pleased' faces from Angel and Xander, Buffy told them off for arguing like little old ladies)

Xander led the students into battle, once again drawing on his military skill and helped to defeat the Mayor. He'd managed to get through school, graduate and not die.

But he wasn't going to hang around for the summer, no his life stretched before him and as he wasn't going to college he'd go an learn about life by going on a road trip.

Townie?
Xander's road trip didn't go exactly as he planned it. He only got as far as Oxnard when the engine fell out of his car and he spent the summer washing dishes in a strip club (for the ladies). He was practically ignored by the rest of the staff until the fateful night that one of the strippers didn't come in to work and Xander had to take his place (!), but that's a story no power on this earth will make him tell us (boo).

On returning to Sunnydale he found Buffy in a funk, doubting everything and gave her a rather dada-ist pep talk, in which he told that she was his hero.

Things have changed for Xander as well. He's still living at home, but all his stuff has been moved into the basement and his has to pay his parents rent; (which he is witholding after an argument with his mom).

Feeling a little left out, because he's not a Uni student like the rest of the gang, Xander has started to help Giles out, (they are gentlemen of leisure together) as well as having a succession of crappy jobs. (Dishwasher and part time stripper :), bartender, Boost Bar seller, Pizza deilveryman, Coffee-shop worker, sex phone-line operator, ice cream man) none of which last very long, and all in all it's getting him down.

After an initially shaky start, his relationship with Anya seems to be quite happy. She does like him as an orgasm-friend. In fact she like him very much.And in Hush he realises that he actually loves her, when he thinks he sees Spike biting her. (He's not) and leaps across the room to come to her rescue. (aww)

He thinks that he's not useful to the gang, well only as a donut collector, but that's not the case, he's the one with the witty joke (to hide his own feelings) and the good advice, which the others should really pay more attention to. When they go against Adam in Primeval, and they merge to become Super-Buffy, he is the heart, the centre of the Slayer. And in some people's opinion the most important bit.

Restless seems to indicate that times are a-changing for Xander. In his dream, Joyce tries to seduce him. He is watched going to the loo by a large group of scienists, Tara and Willow also try to seduce him, he goes to the cemtry and finds Buffy playing in a sandbox, she teases him and calls him her big brother, he's the one who always lokos out for her. We learn that for a while he was toying with the idea of becoming a Watcher. And even the despressing statements issuing from Snyder can't get him down. however, time and time again he returns to the basement. Something is banging on the door, eventually the door opens and his father storms down yelling at him, before ripping out his heart.

Season Five dawn with new positiveness for young Xander. he has a job again on a construction crew and he is doing so well that he gets a promotion. This means more money and he can finally get out of the basement and into a beautiful apartment of his own. His love with Anya is going from strength to strength, with the occassional blip. It seems to be going well for him for a change.

Not even his 'evil' doppelganger can make life worse. In fact he makes it better, securing the job and the apartment, and proving to Xander that he isn't a loser. he's still the one to talk sense into the Slayer. She seems to be the only one who will listen most of the time. And he even lets her use him (encased in a rubber sumo outfit) as a punchbag although he is a little chargrined when the first time she hugs him he's wearing it and can't hug back. :)

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