Willow: Try to drive him toward the Van Elton crypt.
Tara: Is that the one with the cute little gargoyle?

Xander: Great googly moogly, Willow. Would you quit doing that?
Willow: I told you I was going to get the lay of the land.
Xander: But not the lay of my brain.
Anya: It's kind of intrusive. You could knock first or something.

Willow: What are you doing? Help him!
Spike: I did.
(vamp goes up in flames)
Giles: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea?

I was trying to program in some new puns, and I kind of ended up with word salad.

I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed. It's really those lesser-known monsters that make living in Sunnydale so hard.

Tara: You doing okay?
Willow: Besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom? Swell.

Willow: And you're her sweet cookie-face.
Xander: I go by many names.

Willow: Buffy-Bot is about to face her most dangerous challenge ever...
(Sign: Parent-Teacher Day)

Anya: Tomorrow?
Xander: I don't know.
Anya: Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky...
Willow: Nobody's changing their minds, period.
Xander: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group?
Anya: You did.
Tara: You said Willow should be boss.
Anya: And then you said "let's vote," and it was unanimous.
Tara: And then you made her this little plaque that said "Boss of Us" and you put little sparkles on it...
Xander: Valid points all.

Xander: Scenario: We raise Buffy from the grave. She tries to eat our brains. Do we A: congratulate ourselves on a job well done...?
Willow: Xander, this isn't zombies.
Anya: Zombies don't eat brains anyway, unless instructed to by their zombie masters. Lot of people get that wrong.

He just gets cranky. The way vampires do.

Adonai, helomi, pine. Adonai, helomi, pine. The gods do command thee from thy majesty. O mappa laman. Adonai, helomi. Come forward, Blessed One, know your calling. Come forward, Blessed One. Child of Elomina, accept our humble gratitude for your offering. In death, you give life. May you find wings to the kingdom.

Willow: I had to get that thing.
Xander: Giles isn't around - you can dump the cryptic.

Willow: Oh, you got butterflies, baby?
Tara: More like bats.
Anya: You want to look at the money? I find it always calms me.

Willow: Well, you should get going. Don't you have a life or something?
Giles: I suppose that's the question, really.

Willow: It was right, though, wasn't it? Giving him the no-tears send off? I mean, we don't want him going off all worried about us.
Anya: He'd still be all worried, just eight hours ahead.

Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us. Before time and after. Before knowing and nothing. Accept our offering. Know our prayer. Osiris, here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Osiris, let her cross over. Osiris, release her.

Xander: Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North star.
Willow: Xander, that's not the North star. It's an airplane.
Xander: No, that's not an airplane. That's definitely... a blimp. But I can see how one would make that airplane mistake.

Willow: That spell took a lot out of me.
Xander: As, for example, snakes?

Willow: Xander, it's not a bug. It's Tara.
Xander: And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?

Afterlife

Glad, but kind of weirded out. Which I get, you know. Lot's of "Dear lords," and I think I actually heard him clean his glasses.

Tara: You thought she'd say thanks... be more grateful.
Willow: Would I be a terrible person if I said yes?

Tara: Maybe we dreamed it.
Willow: Right, right. Wrong -- different brains.

It's okay. We just kill the beastie, and all is good. We're rolling in puppies.

Anya: Did I look like that? I hope I didn't look like that.
Willow: No, I'm sure you looked really glamorous cutting up your face.

Willow & Tara: Child of words, hear thy makers. Child of words, we entreat. With our actions did we make thee. To our voices wilt thou bend. With our potions, thou took motive. With our motions came to pass. We rescind no past devotions. Give thee substance, give thee mass.

Giles: Brooms all around then.
Willow: Or I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like "Fantasia".
Giles: And we all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey.
Willow: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse.
Tara: And you have more fingers, which is good 'cause then there's no need to wear those big white gloves to over-compensate.

Buffy: How many other things have changed since I've been gone?
Dawn: I got a tattoo.
Buffy: What?!
Willow: Which is why we told her "no."
Dawn: Just a little one?
Buffy: Over my dead body. The kind that doesn't come back.

(re: Luke and Leia at the Bronze) Do they know they're brother and sister?!

Willow: Hard to believe such a hot mama-yama came from humble, geek-infested roots.
Tara: Infested roots. Trying to turn me on?
Willow: I have to try now?

Buffy: So did anybody... last night, you know, did anybody, um... burst into song?
Xander: Merciful Zeus!
Willow: We thought it was just us!
(all speaking at once)
Giles: Well, I sang, but I had my guitar at the hotel. That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see, and the synchronized dancing from the room-service chaps.
Willow: It was bizarre.
Tara: We were talking, and then it was like...
Buffy: Like you were in a musical?
Willow: We did a whole duet about dueling mushrooms...
Anya: ...and we were arguing and then everything rhymed and there were harmonies, and a dance with coconuts.
Willow: ...with the couscous.
Xander: It was very disturbing.

Xander: See, okay, that was disturbing.
Willow: I thought it was neat.

Tara: That's right! The volume. The text.
Giles: What text?
Willow: The volume-y text.

Willow: The sun is shining, there are songs going on, those guys are checking you out...
Tara: What? What are they looking at?
Willow: The hotness of you, doofus!
Tara: Those boys really thought I was hot?
Willow: Entirely!
Tara: Oh, my god. I'm cured! I want the boys!
Willow: Do I have to fight to keep you? 'Cause I'm not large with the butch.

Xander: Okay, who are you freaks?
Willow: You don't know me?
Xander: Not a clue.
Willow: But you were just all like, "Oh, hey."
Xander: Yeah, 'cause I thought you were a girl and I'd remember, but...
Willow: (checks breasts) Well, I AM a girl.

I'm Willow Rosenberg. Huh, Willow. Funny name.

Willow: What did you just do?
Buffy: I don't know. But it was cool!

Willow: How you doin', Dawn?
Dawn: I'm okay. It's scary, but weirdly, kinda familiar.
Willow: I know what you mean.
Dawn: How are you?
Willow: A little confused. I mean, I'm all sweaty, and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire... and I think I'm kinda gay.

What's the matter, Amy? You lonely? We need to get you a nice companion rat that you can love, play with and grow attached to, until one day they leave you for no good reason. Won't that be fun?

Amy: Just, you know... Everything feels weird. I mean, it's like... I felt I was in that cage for WEEKS. But it can still be okay, right? I can still get into the swing of things. Like, prom's coming up. I was so hoping Larry would ask me. We would make such a splash at... Oh, Oh, god. He hasn't asked someone else, has he?
Willow: Uh, Amy. Three things we need to talk about: 1- Larry's gay. 2- Larry's dead. And 3- high school's kinda over.

Buffy: How you doin'?
Willow: Oh, okay.
Buffy: Yeah?
Willow: Yeah. Not parades and cotton candy, but okay.

Willow: I keep expecting her to do, like, ratty stuff. You know, licking her hands clean, shredding newspaper, leaving little pellets in the corner...
Buffy: Let's definitely not leave her alone in the house too long.

Amy: I wish there was a way that I could make him forget about the last three years.
Willow: Oh, well, hey, I can help you with that! Only, you might want to sew your name into your clothes first or something.

Willow: Well, what do you want to do?
Amy: I don't know. Something fun. Anything not involving a big wheel.

Willow: I know, Xander engaged. I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: It's just so weird. So, what's she like?
Willow: Thousand-year-old capitalist ex-demon with rabbit-phobia.
Amy: Well, that's so his type.

No use looking at me like that. It's the gullet for you, mister.

Willow: Amy-- Amy the Rat? Sorry.
Amy: No, that's fair. I was a rat.

Rack: This one's giving off vibes.
Willow: I don't mean to vibe at you, if it's in a negative way.

Willow: Or you could do it the hard way.
Dawn: Spatulas are for wimps.

Willow: So, the burger was good, you liked it?
Dawn: Are you kidding? It was like a meat party in my mouth. Okay, now, I'm just a kid, and even *I* know that came out wrong.

Willow: Oh, no, it's okay. He's not real.
Dawn: Seems real. Very real.

If you could be plain old Willow or Super Willow, who would you be? I guess you don't actually have an option on the whole super thing.

Buffy: You are more than some girl. And Tara wants you to stop. She loves you.
Willow: We don't know that.
Buffy: I know that. I promise you.

Willow: Magic wasn't all great. I won't miss the nosebleeds and the headaches and stuff.
Buffy: There you go.
Willow: Or keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra. Don't ask.

BUFFY: How are you doing?
WILLOW: Okay. Not ready to head back to classes, face the world okay, but the shakiness is only semi now.

WILLOW: Okay, I deserve the wrath of Dawn, but why is she taking it out on
you?
BUFFY: Because I let it happen.

XANDER: Willow, we need to talk.
WILLOW: We are talking. Well, I'm talking and you're looking at me funny.

XANDER: Buffy was in town, leaving the hair cutting place, when she suddenly just--
WILLOW: Buffy got her hair cut?
XANDER: Yeah. Adorable, apparently. I couldn't tell since she's all blinvisible.

So I guess it wouldn't matter if I just jump off the wagon completely, since you already think I'm making pit stops.

Whatever hit this fire hydrant hit it after it was made invisible. And betcha-by-golly-wow, that something was the same something that shot out of that alley.

BUFFY: Where are the bad guys?
Warren: All around you, Slayer, so don't try anything.
WILLOW: He's bluffing, Buffy, there's just three of them... I think.
Warren: More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys? Guys? Guys!
JONATHAN: ..at video game.. Kick! Use the kick.
Andrew: I tried that -- he keeps blocking it with his drunken monkey fist.
BUFFY: Ooh, scary video carnage.
Warren: Hey! Slayer's here.
Andrew: Sorry - didn't see her.

BUFFY: So, how did you manage to.. do it, exactly? I mean, to locate it?
WILLOW: The hard way. The spell-free way. the oh-my-god-my-head's- gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way.

BUFFY: The whole "taking a vacation from me" thing didn't work out too well.
WILLOW: Tell me about it.
BUFFY: I'm not saying that I'm doing back-flips about my life, but... I didn't... I don't... want to die. That's something, right?
WILLOW: It's something.

WILLOW: So I guess we both made good first steps.
BUFFY: I guess.
WILLOW: Yay for us.
BUFFY: Yay.

Doublemeat Palace

WILLOW: Hey, respect the narrative flow much?
ANYA: Please, continue the story of failure.

WILLOW: And they had other stuff, you know, razor scooters, and pictures of the Vulcan woman on Enterprise.
XANDER: Oooh! < pause > I mean, nerds.

ANYA: Okay, see, this is why demons are better than people.
WILLOW: Interesting turn.
ANYA: When I was a vengeance demon, I caused pain and mayhem, certainly. But I put in a full day's work doing it, and I got compensated appropriately.
XANDER: Welcome to today's episode of "Go, money, go!" I hear it daily.
WILLOW: Yup, for the rest of your life.
ANYA: But supervillains want reward without labor, to make things come easy. It's wrong. Without labor there can be no payment, and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.
BUFFY: Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool. And now I know why.

ANYA: After Willow gave us the "whoosh!" engagement party, I got slack on the planning 'cause I figured she'd help. But, well, now that's all been blown to hell.
WILLOW: Hey, standing right here. Standing right exactly here.
ANYA: Sorry. Didn't mean to tempt you. < whispers to Dawn > Everyone's so delicate.

Amy: < looking at rat cage > I don't know if you wanted to keep it, or...
WILLOW: You want it? Really?
Amy: Well, yeah, you know. I mean, it's not much, but it's home. Or it was.

WILLOW: Did Xander say something about food?
DAWN: You wouldn't want any. Apparently, the doublemeat medley is people.
XANDER: < belches >
WILLOW: Whoa. Bad.

Amy: Can I come in? My new place isn't set up and I wanted to borrow some stuff like detergent.
WILLOW: You really can't
Amy: I can't borrow detergent? Well, when they start calling me Stinky Amy, I'm just gonna say, "Hey, not my fault!"

WILLOW: Shut up.
Amy: Oh, yeah, sharp argument you got there. Were you on the debate team? I forgot. I forgot a lot while you were failing to make me be not a rat.
WILLOW: Amy, if you really are my friend, you better stay away from me. And if you really aren't... you better stay away from me.

We're not gonna have to do that at the wedding, are we? 'Cause there's this last thread of dignity I've been desperately clinging to.

XANDER: Hey, I see sitting where there should be dancing.
ANYA: Come share in the joy of our groove thang.
WILLOW: And despite that, I succumb to the beat.
BUFFY: I think I'll catch the next soul train out.

XANDER: I think I pulled a jive muscle last night.
WILLOW: The Funky Monkey claims another victim.

XANDER: I'm gonna go bring Anya up to speed on that monkey situation.
TARA: There's a monkey problem?
WILLOW: Only if you don't stretch first.

No spells for 32 days. I can even go to the Magic Shop now, as long as someone's with me at all times.

Older and Far Away

ANYA: I don't know why people get so turned off by slug.
XANDER: Honey, slugs get turned off by slug. < to Willow > Oh, actually I wanted to talk to you about that.
WILLOW: Slugs?

I've got my group - you know, the whole Spellcasters Anonymous thing? We're still looking for a better name.

WILLOW: Okay! It's just a beer run. I'll go.
Sophie: Oh, well, I can't really drink beer, 'cause, you know, barley, but I'll go with you to get some.
WILLOW: Perfect. Here we go. The beer gettin'. < falls asleep on table >

WILLOW: I can't.
ANYA: No, see, that's not exactly true, either. Not can't - won't.
WILLOW: You don't know how much I hate this. I don't know if there's even anything I could do.
ANYA: Yes, and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way.

As You Were

WILLOW: Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze.
DAWN: Do I have your permission, and wanna come along? You like how I slipped in that permission request like that?
WILLOW: Very smooth.

WILLOW: But if I did call, she wouldn't hang up on me.
DAWN: That's progress.
WILLOW: Hence the happy.

Hell's Bells

WILLOW: Buffy, it's hideous. Oh my god, Buffy, look at its arms!
BUFFY: I know. But it's my duty. I'm Buffy the bridesmaid.
WILLOW: Duty-shmuty. I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all Marlene Dietrich-y in a dashing tuxedo number?
BUFFY: No.
WILLOW: Oh.
BUFFY: That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridemaidsdom.
WILLOW: Oh. Well, maybe if I ask Anya, I can still go with the traditional blood larvae and burlap. I mean, she was a vengeance demon for, like, a thousand years. She would know all the most flattering larvae...

Oh my god, last night, the rehearsal dinner. That was like a zoo without the table manners.

WILLOW: Did you see how much they drank?
BUFFY: Kinda. Mr. Harris threw up in my purse.

ANYA: Oh, I want to see Xander now!
WILLOW: You can't. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress, remember?
ANYA: Right. I can't keep all these ridiculous traditions straight. Well, what if I'm not wearing my dress when I see him? Okay, no sex. Cuddling?

WILLOW: I'll say this for the Y chromosome. Looks good in a tux.
XANDER: Well, your double X's don't look too bad there, either.

It's a good thing I realized I was gay. Otherwise, hey, you, me and formalwear...

WILLOW: Hi, Tara, how are you? I was wondering, maybe, if you want to go out sometime... for coffee, food... kisses, and gay love? [sigh] Hi, Tara. Guess what? Magic-free now for - insert number - days now...

WILLOW: They're probably just friends. I press my lips against my friends' all the time.
BUFFY: I'm sure they're just friends. Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen.

XANDER: Before she left, did she say anything?
WILLOW: You mean, between the sobs? There was mostly just wheezing.

WILLOW: So, you left her at the altar, but you still wanna...
BUFFY: You still wanna date?

SPIKE: Right. Let's not listen to Spike. Might get a bit of truth on you.
WILLOW: Okay, okay. Calm now. Let's turn around and release this very manly thing the other way.

It took a little longer than I'd hoped, no magic and all. Went boom twice, but then I got it.