Season Six

Spike: I'm never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back.
Tara: I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.
Spike: No, that's the over-the-hill shopkeepers.
Giles: I'm fine. I just need to die for a minute.

Tara: It's sorbis root. It was supposed to confuse him, but it just kind of made him peppy. It's not supposed to mix with anything - do you think he might be taking prescription medication?
Spike: Yeah, that MUST be it.
Giles: Good god, I hope he doesn't try to operate heavy machinery.

Willow: What are you doing? Help him!
Spike: I did.
(vamp goes up in flames)
Giles: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea?

Buffybot: That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!
Spike: What's with the Dadaism, Red?

She responded to Buffy-Bot because a robot is predictable. Boring. A perfect teacher's pet. That's all school's are, you know. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons. (slight pause) Who go on to be very valuable and productive members of society, and you should go.

I'm not leaving you to get hurt. Not again.

She wanted to go out and look for you again, but I figured there were enough things in Sunnydale that go bump in the night.

A couple of stakes, holy water, one cross. (picks up cross) Ow! (drops it) Brilliant.

I'm not gonna let those buggers lay so much as a warty digit on you.

Dawn: What?
Spike: Oh, nothing. Just, uh, looked like fun. I'm just saying.

You scared me half to death. Or more to death.

You-- I could kill you. I mean it. I could rip your head off one-handed and drink from your brainstem.

Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: 147 days yesterday. Uh, 148 today. Except today doesn't count, does it?

That's the thing about magic. There's always consequences. Always!

It's hard to get a good night's death around here.

I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd have done that, even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, and do something different. Faster, or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night, I save you.

I was going to go inside, but I overheard you and the super-friends exchanging a special moment, and I came over a bit queasy. Say, aren't you leaving a hole in the middle of some soggy group hug?

Buffy: That's okay. I can be alone with you here.
Spike: Thanks ever so.

Spike: Well, I haven't been to a hell-dimension just of late, but I know a thing or two about torment.
Buffy: I was happy. Wherever I was, I was happy. At peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean anything. Nothing had form, but I was still me, you know? And I was warm, and I was loved. And I was finished. Complete. I don't understand theology and dimensions... or any of it, really. But I think I was in heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there, pulled out by my friends. Everything here is hard, and bright, and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch... this is hell. Just getting through the next moment and the one after that. Knowing what I've lost... They can never know. Never.

Buffy: Life is stupid.
Spike: I have a dim memory of that, yeah. And I didn't figure you were here caging my whisky because life was all full of blood and peaches.

Buffy: Giles is working on it.
Spike: Oh good! 'Cuz Giles wields the mighty force of library books.

Spike: You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shopgirl. You're a creature of the darkness, like me. Try on my world. See how good it feels.
Buffy: There are drinks in your world?

Buffy: You want to play, that's fine. I am sticking to the original plan. Which one do I kill for information?
Spike: Listen! These guys talk while they play. You'll get more information out of their mouths than out of gaping holes in their corpses.

PokerDemon1: Ante up!
Buffy: You play for *kittens*?!?
Spike: Who's gonna advance me a tiny tabby... get me started? Come on, someone's got to stake me.
Buffy: I'll do it! (he glares) You thought I was just gonna let that lie there?

Spike: Me? _I_ cheat? _He's_ got X-ray vision.
PokerDemon1: I'm not _using_ it!

Spike: Ah, so it's a set-up isn't it? Squeeze a few quid out of the vamp. I'll tell you what you didn't count on. Me and the bird. You wanna fight, you face the two of us.
Buffy: *What*? I'm not getting into a bar fight! I'll beat 'em up for information, great. But not to defend your right to gamble for _kittens_! Which, by the way, is _stupid_ currency!
PokerDemon3: They're delicious!

Spike: What's wrong love?
Buffy: What's wrong? You were gonna _help_ me! You... you were gonna beat heads, and... and fix my life! You're completely lame! Life sucks! And look at me: StupidBuffy, too dumb for college. And FreakBuffy, too strong for construction work. And my job at The Magic Box? I was bored to tears even _before_ The Hour That Wouldn't End! And the only person I can even _stand_ to be around is a... a neutered vampire who cheats at _kitten poker_!
Spike: Oh, you saw the cheating, did you?
Buffy: Also, I think you're _drunk_!

Buffy: That van.
Spike: If you want to steal the van I'm with you, love, but we have got the motorcycle.

Spike: I thought you had it to the brim with customer disservice?
Buffy: One-time deal to help out. And I mean straight time -- no loop-the-loop, mummy-hand, repeat-o-vision.

Spike: Feel like a bit of the rough and tumble?
Buffy: What?
Spike: Me, you... patrolling? Hello!

Spike: It's not like I don't already have plans. "Great Pumpkin's" on in 20.
Buffy: So much easier to talk to when he wanted to kill me.

Vamp: What is your malfunction, man?
Spike: It's Halloween, you nit. We take the night off. Those are the rules.
Vamp: Me and mine don't follow no stinkin' rules. We're rebels.
Spike: No, I'm a rebel. You're an idiot. Give the lot of us a bad name.

Spike: Can we talk?
Buffy: Vocal cord-wise, yes. With each other, no.

Spike: We kissed, you and me. All "Gone With the Wind," with the rising music and the rising... music, and what was that, Buffy?
Buffy: A spell?
Spike: Oh, don't get all prim and proper on me. I know what kind of girl you really are. Don't I?

Loan Shark: There are a lot of things I would like, Mr. Spike. A house in Bel Air with a generously-sized swimming pool. And, of course, the 40 Siamese that you owe me.
Spike: Take it easy, you'll get your kittens.

Giles: Spike?
Anya: Holy moly!
Spike: You need to give me asylum.
Xander: I'll say.

You met him, I believe. Toothy bloke with the baby-seal breath?

Giles: We'll get our memory back and it'll all be right as rain.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks. Oh, god. I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the nancy-tribe.
Spike: You don't suppose you and I... we're not related, are we?
Anya: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
Giles: And you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and disappointment. (indicates self) Older brother?
Spike: (snickers) Father. Oh god, how I must hate you.
Giles: What did I do?
Spike: There's always something. And what's with the trollop?
Anya: Hey!
Giles: Her?
Spike: I saw you sleeping together.
Giles: _Resting_ together.

Spike: Oh, great -- a tarty step-mother who's half old Daddy's age.
Anya: Tarty?
Giles: Old?

Spike: Rupert. (laughs)
Giles: You're not too old to put across my knee, you know, sonny.

Giles: Anyway, what did I call you?
Spike: (looks at jacket label) "Made with care for Randy." Randy Giles? Why not just call me "Horny Giles" or "Desperate-for-a-shag Giles"? I knew there was a reason I hated you.

You never showed me affection like that. I'd wager.

Dad can drive. He's bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.

Vamp: Send out Spike.
Giles: They seem to want spikes.
Spike: Oh! (gets stakes) Let's give 'em these.

Buffy: Ready, Randy?
Spike: Ready, Joan.
Giles: Oh, son? Come here, um, please.
(awkward hug)
Buffy: Right.
Giles: Good, then.

Hey, I'm a superhero, too! Joan, where are you going?

Buffy: You're a vampire.
Spike: I, me, a vampire? No.
Buffy: Check the lumpies and the teeth.
Spike: (feels fangs)
Buffy: I kill your kind.
Spike: And I bite yours. So how come I don't want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy, on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?

Spike: I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us -- natural enemies thrown together, to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.
Buffy: Depends on how long you keep on yapping.

From dust.. to dust.

SPIKE: Just, uh, took a stroll. Found myself in your neck of the woods.
BUFFY: Couldn't find a less flammable time of day to take a stroll?

So, um, what should I call you, then? Pet? Sweetheart? My little Goldilocks?

Uh-uh, uh-uh -- this flapjack's not ready to be flipped.

BUFFY: Now's really not a good time. I have company.
SPIKE: No worries. I'll wait.
BUFFY: Spike, this nice woman is from Social Services.
SPIKE: Oh, right. Hey, Buffy's a great mom. She takes good care of her little sis. Like, when Dawn was hanging out too much in my crypt, Buffy put a right stop to it.
DORIS KROGER: I'm sorry, did you say--
BUFFY: Crib. Crib! He said crib. You know kids today and their buggin' street slang.

So long, Goldilocks.

//on TV// "Oh my god, the blood! Look at all the blood!"
SPIKE: //rubs belly, gets up for snack of blood from refrigerator//

Whatever beastie you are, I know you're here. And I hurt beasties.

A ghost, is it? Well, go and haunt the living, like a good spook.

SPIKE: Buffy?
BUFFY: I told you -- stop trying to see me.

XANDER: ...naked in bed?
SPIKE: A man shouldn't let immortality be an excuse to let himself go. You gotta keep fit for the killing.
XANDER: Yeah-huh.

XANDER: Looks like you had a little trouble upstairs. Mini disaster area.
SPIKE: So what, you just come here to criticize my housekeeping?

XANDER: I'm looking for Buffy.
SPIKE: Haven't seen her.
XANDER: Well, you wouldn't. Fact is, she's come down with a slight case of invisibility.

SPIKE: And if we bump into each other, I'll clue her that you're on the lookout.
XANDER: After your... exercises.
SPIKE: Yeah, right.
XANDER: You know, kidding aside, Spike, you really should get a girlfriend.

SPIKE: This vanishing act's right liberating for you, isn't it? Go anywhere you want. Do anything you want. Or anyone.
BUFFY: What are you talking ab--
SPIKE: The only reason you're here is that you're not here.

BUFFY: I'm free. Free of rules and reports, free of this life.
SPIKE: Free of life. Got another name for that -- dead.

Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off, 'cause if I can't have all of you, I'd rather... hey, that's cheating.

Doublemeat Palace

Damned fluorescent lights. Make me look dead. Some demons love 'em. Way they vibrate makes the skin twitch. That the kind of demon you are, luv?

That why you took this job? Prove something to yourself? A normal job for a normal girl. Good way to drive yourself crazy, that is.

Dead Things

BUFFY: We missed the bed again.
SPIKE: Lucky for the bed.
BUFFY: Is this a new rug.
SPIKE: Um, no. Just looks different when you're under it.

BUFFY: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
SPIKE: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck.
BUFFY: I've been thinking about doing something to my room.
SPIKE: Yeah?
BUFFY: Yeah, I think the New Kids on the Block posters are starting to date me.

SPIKE: Are we having a conversation?
BUFFY: What? No. No. Maybe.

SPIKE: Well, isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?
BUFFY: That's the plan... as soon as my legs start working.

SPIKE: You were amazing.
BUFFY: You got the job done yourself.
SPIKE: I was just trying to keep up. The things you do. The way you make it hurt in all the wrong places. I've never been with such an animal.
BUFFY: I'm not an animal.
SPIKE: You wanna see the bite marks?

SPIKE: Do you trust me?
BUFFY: Never.

You see, you try to be with them... but you always end up in the dark... with me.

SPIKE: No one'll ever find her.
Policeman 1: Where'd they find her?
Policeman 2: The river. She washed up a half-mile from the cemetery.
SPIKE; Oh, balls.

SPIKE: I love you.
BUFFY: No, you don't.
SPIKE: You think I haven't tried not to?

You always hurt the one you love, pet.

Older and Far Away

SPIKE: Stupid git.
TARA: I don't know - he seemed cute. Was he cute? I mean, I'm not a very good judge, but... I think he seemed cute.
CLEM: I think he seemed cute, yeah.

SPIKE: You want to slip away for a minute, love?
BUFFY: What?
SPIKE: I'll let you blow out my candles.

SPIKE: I had a muscle cramp. Buffy was helping.
TARA: A muscle cramp? In your... pants?
SPIKE: What? It's a thing.

SPIKE: Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy till morning.
TARA: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you?
SPIKE: What? Oh, yeah.
TARA: Maybe you want to put some ice on it.

SPIKE: Me, I used to love breakfast. In the old days, I probably would have eaten by now.
BUFFY: Course, with that new diet of yours, you want to be careful what you try putting in your mouth now, Spikey.
SPIKE: Yeah? I don't know. Tummy's making all kind of gurglies, maybe I ought to just feed on whatever's around, even if it doesn't go down well. < to Richard > You, uh, work out?

BUFFY: I was insane to ever think you could just hang out with my friends.
SPIKE: And I was insane to think... No, wait. You were right - you're insane.

BUFFY: I'm actually trying to move right now.
SPIKE: Me, too.
BUFFY: Well... this can't be good.

BUFFY: We all have places that we'd rather be.
SPIKE: Things we'd rather be doing.

Hey, I don't want to keep you from all the touchy-feelies, but maybe the encounter group can meet later? Say, when we're not trapped in a house.

So, you ever think about not celebrating your birthday? Just to try it, I mean?

HALFREK: William?
SPIKE: Hey, wait a minute...
BUFFY: You guys know each other?
HALFREK: Uh, no. No.
SPIKE: Not really.

As You Were

BUFFY: Oh, for pete's sake. Spike?
SPIKE: It's a fair cop. You caught me Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn't count. After all, I wasn't exactly hiding.

SPIKE: So it's the fear of getting caught then, is it?
BUFFY: Reason number one on a very long list.

What can I say? The girl just needs a little monster in her, man.

I've memorized this tune, luv. I think I have the sheet music.

Hell's Bells

SPIKE: You meet my friend?
BUFFY: No, not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt at making me jealous.

BUFFY: But if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts.
SPIKE: I'm sorry. Oh... good!

BUFFY: Go where? Your place?
SPIKE: Yeah, I suppose. That was the idea.
BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: Evil.
BUFFY: Of course.

SPIKE: It's nice to watch you be happy. For them, even. I don't see it a lot. You glow.
BUFFY: That's because the dress is radioactive.

SPIKE: But it hurts?
BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: Thanks.
BUFFY: You're welcome.

Normal Again

SPIKE: You looking for me?
BUFFY: Really not.

SPIKE: Right. Let's not listen to Spike. Might get a bit of truth on you.
WILLOW: Okay, okay. Calm now. Let's turn around and release this very manly thing the other way.

SPIKE: Thinks up some chip in my head. Make me soft, fall in love with her, then turn me into her soddin' sex slave.
XANDER: What??
SPIKE: Nothing. Alternative realities.

SPIKE: Oh, balls. You didn't say he was a Glarghle Guhl Kashma'nik.
XANDER: 'Cause I can't say Glarba--

I hope you don't think this antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See, I figured it out, love. You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're addicted to the misery.

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