Season Five

Buffy Vs. Dracula

Xander: "I'm exhausted just looking at those two. All this splashing and jumping and running... shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?"
Anya: "Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness."
Tara: "Which can cause the pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put."
Willow: "I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks."

"The fire's not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of the caveman."

Willow: "Xand, what if somebody has a secret, and that somebody promised somebody else that they wouldn't tell anyone...?"
Xander: "News flash, Will, everybody knows."
Willow: "No, this isn't about me and Tara."
Xander: "Oh, well. Not that I wouldn't be all ears if you wanted to tell me a secret about you two. Even if it was very, very naughty."
Willow: "Sorry, this is the non-naughty variety."

Xander: "Nice! Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy."
Dracula: "I have no interest in you. Leave us."
Xander: "No, we're not going to leave you. And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Von, two, three... three victims. Mwah, hahahhaha!"

Xander: "And then Buffy's all "Look out!" And then friggin' Dracula's standing right behind us."
Willow: "And then he lunges at us, like *whoosh*!"
Xander: "He totally looked shorter in person."

Buffy: "He of the dark, penetrating eyes and lilty accent."
Xander: "I wonder if he knows Frankenstein?"

Tara: "You thought Dracula was sexy?"
Willow: "Oh, no. He, he was... yuch."
Anya: "Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing... yucko."
Xander: "How would you know?"
Anya: "Oh, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days. You know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from a whole evil-thing perspective."
Xander: "Please. He was no big whoop."

Anya: "I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like 700 or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?"
Xander: "Adorable."

Xander: "You don't want to come back to my place?"
Anya: "It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me nauseous."
Xander: "Fine. I suppose Dracula doesn't use bleach, huh? He's a darks-only man."

Xander: "Come on, puffy shirt. Pucker on up, 'cause you can kiss your pale ass good--"
Dracula: "Silence."
Xander: "Yes, Master."

Xander: "I will serve you, your excellent spookiness. Or Master, I'll just stick with Master."
Dracula: "You are strange and off-putting. Go now."

Willow: "Well, I think we have Dracula factoids."
Xander: "Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master." (everyone looks at him) "--bator."
Willow: "A lot of it we already knew. Turn-offs: wood, fire, crosses, garlic. Turn-ons: nice duds, minions, long slow bites that last for days."

"I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince." (everyone looks at him again) "--bator."

Xander: "It's nothing. Just a scratch."
Willow: "Two deep, puncture-y scratches."

"I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now. There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?"

"Master, I deliver the Slayer. She who you most desire. Sorry -- 'whom'."

Xander: "Nobody harms my Master."
Riley: "Your Master?"
Xander: "You want him? You come through me."
(Riley punches Xander -- Xander drops)
Riley: "Okey-dokey."

Xander: "Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?"
Buffy: "He's gone."
Xander: "Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects, and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey."
Buffy: "Check. No more butt-monkey."

The Real Me

Joyce: "Dawn, be good."
Xander: "We will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from some guy. I don't know his name."

Anya: "Crap! Look at this--now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage."
Xander: "That means you're winning."
Anya: "Really?"
Xander: "Yes, cash equals good."
Anya: "Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?"

"What could be funny? Just, 'Look out! It's a terrifying Harmony gang! Ooh!'"

Dawn: "Shut up!"
Xander: "Dawn, I'm handling this. Shut up, Harmony!"

Xander: "I'm afraid I don't feel like getting into another hair-pulling contest with you."
Harmony: "You're the hair-puller, you big girl!"

"The invitation was for one."

Buffy: (giggling uncontrollably) "Harmony has minions?"
Xander: "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."
Buffy: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just...Harmony has minions!"
Xander: "And ruffles have ridges. Buffy, there's actually a more serious side to all this."
Buffy: "I sure hope so, 'cause I'm having trouble breathing."

The Replacement

Xander: "I wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot-plate's out of commission."
Anya: "We think the cat peed on it."
Xander: "I do have spaghetti-o's. Set 'em on top of the dryer, and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness."
Riley: "Yeah, I had dryer-food for lunch."

"Guess the folks are back."

"No, no, I was wrong. Just incompetent burglars."

"Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place... something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to hell. They had one-bedrooms, right?"

Xander: "Incompetently dubbed kung-fu. Our most valuable Chinese import."
Anya: "Much more durable than their hot-plates."

Buffy: "Willow's the same way when we watch a movie about witches, right, Xander?"
Xander: "What? Oh, yeah, she's all, like, 'What's that? A cauldron? Who uses a cauldron anymore?'"

Rental agent: "And that's the bedroom."
(Xander opens door to see Buffy and Riley kissing)
Xander: "Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom? (R & B look around bedroom) Okay, good point."

"Oh! Credit check. Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are."

"So you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened. Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the 'I told you so' symphony?"

"Ooh, I found a quarter, I found a quarter! Well, ma'am, for me it is worth getting excited about."

"Welcome to payback, Mr. Evil-plan-face-stealer. You take my life, you get my being fired absolutely free."

Rental agent: I think someone said you're currently in your parent's basement?"
Xander: "Right. There comes a point where you either have to move on, or just buy yourself a Klingon costume and go with it."

Xander: "Anya, you there? Look, I know you're still mad, but I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home, but listening anyway."
Anya: "Am not."

Xander: "It's me, Xander. And I can prove it."
Willow: "Oh. Okay."

"On my seventh birthday, I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burned down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me."

Xander: "I woke up in the dump this morning."
Willow: "Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It's more like a really nice hovel."

"I got hit last night, fall down, boom."

Xander: "It's a robot. It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts that look like me, designed to do evil."
Willow: "Uh-huh."

"A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do."

Xander: "But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me."
Willow: "That's not true. Sometimes we all helped to save you."

Take my life, please."

"When I get to the pearly gates, I'm sure the guy's not gonna go, 'Hey, what a kick-ass comic book collection! Come on in.'"

Xander: "He can take anything, but he can't have her. I need her!"
Willow: "Really?"

Xander: "Hey, wait till you have an evil twin. See how you handle it."
Willow: "I handled it fine."

Anya: "So, what happens next?"
Xander: "Well, at some point, we take off our clothes."

Anya: "When do we get a car?"
Xander: "A car?"
Anya: "And a boat. No, wait, I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy. Or a child. I have a list somewhere."

Xander 1: "I'm thinking this is gonna last about fifteen seconds."
Xander 2: "I'm thinking less."

Buffy: "What number am I thinking?"
Riley: "I don't think that's gonna do it."
Xander 1 & 2: "Eleven and a half."
Buffy: "Wrong. Oh! But see?"

Xander 2: "It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track. I found it on the construction site and I thought it was cool. It's not magic."
Xander 1: "No, I... huh, it is kind of cool. Washington's still there, but he's all smushy. And he may be Jefferson."

"The gun! Pick up the little gun pieces."

Xander 2: "Oh, yeah. That cleaning deposit's gone."
Xander 1: "I was thinking the same thing!"

Xander 2: "We're completely identical."
Xander 1: "Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over. Fingerprints!"

Anya: "Maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap them back together in the morning."
Xander 2: "She's joking."
Xander 1: "No, she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is... wrong. And it would be very confusing."
Giles: "We just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."
Willow: "Check. Candles and pretense."

Xander 1 & 2: "Kill us both, Spock!"
Buffy: "They're kind of the same now."
Giles: "Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself."

"At first it's just a place, and then you start to make memories. And then you're like... that's where Spike slept. And there, that's where Anya and I drowned a Separvo demon. Oh! And right there, that's where I got my heart all ripped out. I really hate this place."

Anya: "Ooh, presents?"
Xander: "Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Which you cannot have."

"How is it that she can always make me feel suave Xander's left the building?"

Out Of My Mind

"Yeah, blueprints, not a bad idea. That and getting straight, "measure twice, cut once." You know, for the longest time, I had it backwards. Messy."

"I'm telling you, Giles. You've got to set up a blind taste-test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good."

"I'm the dummy man! I mean, I made the dummy."

Xander: "Like, I had this friend once who really liked this girl, and he got all worried that maybe she didn't like him back, and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend."
Willow: "What are you talking about?"
Xander: "Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention."

Anya: "I care about you, Xander."
Xander: "Thanks."
Anya: "Don't be insecure."
Xander: "Thanks. I won't."

No Place Like Home

Giles: "There's too many of them -- people. And they all seem to want things."
Xander: "I hear ya. Stay British. You'll be okay."

"The thousand-yard stare. Damn, you hate to see it on any man, but especially in retail."

Anya: "Please go."
Xander: "Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called. They want me to tell you that 'Please go' just got replaced with 'Have a nice day.'"
Anya: "But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?"
Xander: "No one. It's just a long cultural tradition of raging insincerity. Embrace it."
Anya: "Hey, you! Have a nice day."
Xander: "There's my girl!"

"Did you ever think in a million years you'd miss the high school library?"

Giles: "Would someone please rip that bloody bell off its hinges?"
Xander: "Would that involve moving?"
Willow: "My feet are numb."
Xander: "I'll see your numbness and I'll raise you a lower back pain."

Xander: "You're not worried about the Slaymaster General, are you, Big G?"
Giles: "No, no. Just hope she doesn't do anything too rash."

Xander: "Ow! Thumb. Necessary opposable thumb."
Riley: "Sorry. Crybaby."

Riley: "He started it!"
Xander: "He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might have been Latin."
Giles: "Stop it, or you're going to break something."
(X & R continue wrestling)
Buffy: "Or I'm going to break something."
(X & R stop immediately)

Tara: "Yeah, you learn her source, and we'll introduce her to her insect reflection. (everyone stops & stares at her) Th-that was funny if you, um, studied taglarin mythic rites... and are a complete dork."
Riley: "Then how come Xander didn't laugh?"
Xander: "I don't know that taglarin stuff."
Riley: "Oh."

Xander: "You are gonna be there?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Barring monsters."

Xander: "Give me sugar. I've come to buy sugar." (kiss)
Anya: "Mmm! We value your patronage."

"I'm helping, I'm reading, I'm quiet."

Buffy: "You said you got a present already."
Xander: "Yeah, that was a tangled web of lies, sweetie."

Buffy: "There's just... that thing."
Xander: "That thing."
Buffy: "That thing of not understanding..."
Xander: "Half of what she says?"

"But Tara, I just know she likes Willow, and she already has one of those."

Giles: "Come up with anything yet?"
Xander: "Well, candles maybe, or bath oils of some kind."
Buffy: "I saw a really cute sweater at Bloomies, but I think I want me to have it."
Giles: "And you are talking about what on earth?"
Buffy: "Tara's birthday. We're at a loss."
Giles: "You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid."

Xander: "What, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?"
Giles: "You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped."

Xander: "You're dealing with all of us."
Spike: "'Cept me."
Xander: "'Cept Spike."
Spike: "I don't care what happens."

Donny: "Tara... if you don't get in that car, I swear by god I will beat you down."
Xander: "And I swear by your full and manly beard you're gonna break something trying."

Dawn: "This place is so cool. Except I have to wear this stupid stamp on my hand."
Xander: "That's to keep you from boozing it up."
Dawn: "Oh, please. Only losers drink alcohol."
(everyone lowers their cups)

Fool for Love

Xander: "What's with the hand wave? You see that? Does that, like, mean something?"
Willow: "It's code. I think it breaks down to 'choo-choo!'"
Anya: "It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him."
Willow: (whispering) "Ask him."
Xander: (yelling) "Hey, Riley? What's the (hand gesture) all about?"
Riley: "It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance."
Xander: "See, now he's all mad and sarcastic."
Willow: "It's because you were doing all that yelling, Mr. Stealthy-pants."

Riley: "Tell you what. I'll take the cemeteries -- you guys get the Bronze."
Anya: "Were we not being covert enough?"
Xander: "We're sorry."
Willow: "Sorry."
Xander: "We'll be sneakier, promise."

Xander: "You know what he's like? He's like a cat. You know, a big jungle cat. How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool."
Willow: (munching chips) "I think you're cool."

Xander: "Hey, human chest, human chest!"
Giles: "Sorry."

Riley: "Heard I missed out on some fun."
Xander: "Oh, yeah, fun was had. Also frolic, merriment, and near-death hi-jinks."

Riley: "No, it's not hot, it's warm. And broken. And sort of..."
Giles: "Hollow?"
Riley: "Yeah."
Anya: "So, we're all thinking the same thing, right?"
Xander: "Festive pinata? Delicious candy?"

Riley: "That might be toxic. Don't touch it."
Xander: "Oh, yeah, touching it was my first impulse. Luckily, I've moved on to my second, which involves dry-heaving and running like hell."

"Look at how teeny Mercury is, compared to, like, Saturn. Whereas in contrast, the cars of the same name..."

Xander: "I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot demon."
Giles: "Because it's a killer snot demon from outer space. (pause) I did not say that.
Giles: "Demons enter our world in all sorts of different ways. This one came from above."
Xander: "And the university library's astronomy section is the home of aboveness. Got it."

Willow: "Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow."
Xander: "Hmm, maybe with a chewy demon center, like ours."

Giles: "As if something emerged from the meteors, and quelled the madmen."
Xander: "Meteor go boom, crazy guy go bye-bye."

Willow: "What time is it?"
Xander: "There's a clock behind you, Will."
Willow: "I know, but there a watch right above your hand." //looks at watch// "That can't be right." (looks at clock) "Oh."

Xander: "Buffy's pretty cool like that."

Xander: "So, what do you want to do now, Dawnster? Keeping in mind that I won't chase you because I'm old and I'm stuffed full of Moo-Goo-Gai-starch."
Anya: "Oh, we could play that game again -- Life? That was fun."
Dawn: "For you. You always win."
Anya: "Well, we can make a wager this time. You can give me real money. That would be different."
Xander: "And after we teach her how to gamble, maybe we can all get drunk!"
Anya: "I don't think the bar would serve her. But we can bring something in. Strawberry schnapps taste just like real ice-cream."
Xander: "Okay, how about a movie? They're showing them in theatres now. I hear it's like watching a video with a bunch of strangers and a sticky floor."

Xander: "The chimp, playing hockey? Is that based on the Chekhov?"
Anya: "There's a chimp playing hockey?"
Dawn: "No, the other one. I don't want to see a sad movie."
Anya: "We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this!"

Anya: "Oh, who ordered more chicken's feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all."
Xander: "That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken."
Anya: "Maybe we could do a holiday promotion -- one free with every purchase."
Giles: "Oh, yeah... dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire enjoying their new Christmas... chicken feet."
Willow: "Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep, painting their little toenails."
Anya: "Oh, that's very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear you in private: 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'"

Anya: "I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine."
Xander: "Anya, play nice."
Anya: "You know, fine. Take her side instead of mine, even though I'm the one who sleeps with you, and feeds you, and bathes you."
Willow: "She bathes you?"
Xander: "Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way. Not in a sponge-bathy, geriatric sort--"
Giles: "Please! Stop. I beg of you."

Buffy: "It looked like they were paying vampires to bite them."
Xander: "NOW I know what to get for the person who has everything."

Xander: "Why don't the vampires just kill them?"
Anya: "Because they get cash, hot-and-cold running blood, and they don't leave any corpses behind, so they don't get hunted."

"I guess everybody jumped ship once the word got out that the Slayer found their crib. I just want to apologize for the use of the word 'crib.'"

Anya: "I mean, who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust, and he set his whole village on fire."
Xander: "Can you stop being scary for a minute and listen to what I'm trying to tell you?"

Anya: "A little after-hours hanky-panky in the training room, huh? Boy, Xander and I could tell you some stories."
Xander: "Not now. Let's go, Anya."
Anya: "There's a funny thing with the vaulting horse that you can tr--"
Xander: "Anya!"
Anya: "What? He started it."
Xander: "In your world, maybe. But where the people are, this isn't time for 'Tales of Anya and Xander's Sexcapades.'"

Xander: "So, how'd that work out for ya? Make you feel better?"
Buffy: "What are you doing here?"
Xander: "I thought you might need to talk. Then I saw this skirmish happen. I was gonna lend a hand, but I noticed you grew a few extra ones."

"You don't want to deal so you hide? Not very Slayer-like."

Buffy: "I thought he was dependable."
Xander: "Dependable? What is he, State Farm?"

Xander: "If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now."
Buffy: "Good, 'cause I don't."
Xander: "I lied."

"I gotta say something 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do... the way you think... the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life -- like a man. I just thought you might wanna know."

Triangle

Xander: "You ever have the feeling where there's something you know you're supposed to do, and you forgot what it was?"
Anya: "Nope."

"Sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, 'Where's Riley? Oh, wait, the central republic of Where In the Hell.'"

Anya: "Xander, if you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second, no, the red one, and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. Like that, okay?"
Xander: "Check. Big bomb clock."

"Yeah, relationship debris is kind of piling up on the Buffy highway."

Anya: "I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods."
Xander: "See there? She'll be great."

Xander: "So, how goes the slaying?"
Buffy: "I killed something in a convent last night."
Xander: "In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us about the killing, Buff."
Buffy: "Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Oh! But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple."
Xander: "Okay, now we're back to frightening."

"Hey, hey, Judge Xander requesting a recess here."

Xander: "Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?"
Spike: "Lovely thought."

Xander: "Sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this look. This what-the-hell-do-you-see-in-her? look."
Spike: "I know that look. A lot of people never really got Dru, you know?"
Xander: "Well, she was insane."

Xander: "So, uh... think I should run and get Buffy?"
Olaf: "Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat."
Xander: "I'm gonna run and get Buffy."

Xander: "Maybe you could fight him."
Spike: "Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much."

Anya: "You shouldn't be here. There's a troll."
Xander: "A big guy, hammer? I think I noticed him."

Joyce: "I think we're just about ready for pie."
Xander: "And then I'll be pretty much ready for barf."
Buffy: "Xander!"
Dawn: "Gross."
Xander: "You know, barf from the eating. 'Cause all was good and too much goodness."
Joyce: "I'm taking it as a compliment."
Giles: "Yes, everything was delicious."
Anya: "Yes. I'm going to barf, too."
Joyce: "Everyone's so sweet."

Xander: "Are you in the vomit club, too?"
Willow: "I had too much nog."
Tara: "Oh, baby. Want me to rub your tummy? She likes it when I-- Uh, stop explaining things."

Dawn: "My nog tastes funny. I think I got one with rum in it."
Willow: "That's bad."
Xander: "Yeah, now Santa's gonna pass you right by, naughty boozehound."

"The advantage of having a thousand-year-old girlfriend. Inside scoop."

Willow: "It just happened."
Xander: "Things don't happen! I mean, they don't JUST happen. Somebody's... I mean, somebody's got..."
Willow: "Okay, Let's go. Come on. You and me, come on..."
Xander: "You know I can't take you."
Willow: "Damn straight."

Xander: (boom) "Sorry. Sorry, some... pent-up..."
Willow: "Xander... where did your hand go?"
Xander: "As I was saying, some frustration and now, um... I appear to be stuck."

Anya: "You could have hit an electrical... thing."
Xander: "And again with the sorry."
Willow: "Did it make you feel better?"
Xander: "For a second there."
Willow: "A whole second."

Xander: "Who did the drywall in this place?"
Willow: "I always forget to ask."

Anya: "I wish that Joyce didn't die. Because she was nice. And now we all hurt."
Xander: "Anya -- ever the wordsmith."
Buffy: "Thank you."

Forever

Xander: "You going home?"
Willow: "I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. I've been doing that a lot lately."
Xander: "Yeah, I actually might stop by your mom's too. (off Willow's look) Well, I'm not going to my place. Those people are scary."

Xander: "Oh, like you care about her."
Spike: "Care? Joyce was the only one of the lot of you I could stand!"
Xander: "And she was the only one with a daughter you wanted to shag. I'm touched."
Spike: "I liked the lady! You understand, Monkey Boy? She was decent. Didn't put on airs. Always had a nice cuppa for me. And she never treated me like a freak."
Xander: "Her mistake."

Anya: "Hmmm... that was different."
Xander: "Yeah, it was more intense."
Anya: "Because of Joyce."
Xander: "Yeah... What?"

Anya: "Well, I just think understand sex now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. It's about making life."
Xander: "Right. When two people are much older, and way richer, and far less stupid."
Anya: "Breathe. You're turning colors."

Xander: "Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be, like, a lymph ritual?"
Spike: "'Cause it's always got to be blood."
Xander: "We're not actually discussing dinner right now."
Spike: "Blood is life, lack-brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood."

Anya: "Here to help! Wanna live!"
Xander: "Smart chicks are so hot!"
Willow: "You couldn't have figured that out in 10th grade?"

Xander: "Spike's sex-bot. Why didn't they just melt it down into scrap?"
Anya: "Maybe Willow wanted it."
Xander: "I don't think Willow feels that way about Buffy... I mean, I know she's going through a lot of changes..."
Anya: "To study."
Xander: "Right. Robotics. Science."
Anya: "Pervert."
Xander: "Other pervert."

Anya: "God! Who would put something like that there! Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke? As if things aren't bad enough!... This is an omen."
Xander: "Sshhh."
Anya: "No, no, no, it's an omen. It's a higher power telling me through bunnies that we're all gonna die!"

"I think we're gonna get through this. I think I'm gonna live a long and silly life, and I'm not interested in doing that without you around."

Anya: "Yes. I mean, yes! ... No!"
Xander: "No?"
Anya: "After. Give it to me when the world doesn't end."

Xander: "Hey, I happen to be...."
Spike: "... a glorified bricklayer?"
Xander: "I'm also a swell bowler."
Anya: "Has his own shoes!"
Spike: "The gods themselves do tremble."

"Shpedoinkle!"

"The glorified bricklayer picks up a spare!"

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