Season Four

The Freshman

Buffy: "I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands."
Giles: "I'm not supposed to have a private life?"
Buffy: "No! Because you're very, very old, and it's gross."

Giles: "You haven't described anything you can't do yourself."
Buffy: "Okay, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a Watcher?"

Giles: "Let's find the evil, and fight it together."
Buffy: "Great. Thanks. We'll get right on that."
Giles: "The evil is this way?"

Living Conditions

Buffy: "You run?"
Giles: "And jump. And bend. And occasionally frolic."
Buffy: "Okay... and what's with "Motorbike & Scooter" magazine?"
Giles: "Congratulations, you found me out. I'm a mod jogger."
Buffy: "Okay, you're not having one of those mid-life things," are you? 'Cause I'm still going 'ick' from the last time you tried to recapture your youth."

Giles: "What sort of demon?"
Buffy: "He had a cloak on, glowy green eyes, and his skin had a, like, super bad fake rub-on tan."
Giles: "Translate?"
Buffy: "Orangey?"

Giles: "You took your roommate patrolling with you?"
Buffy: "Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it."

Buffy: "What are you doing today?"
Giles: "It's a big day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired an original Gutenberg demonography, and it suddenly occurs to me that you've never once asked me what my day's plans were, which would lead me to inquire whether you're feeling entirely yourself."
Buffy: "That's not true. I ask about you all the time. (pause) Okay, well, maybe the words don't actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it."
Giles: "And it's appreciated."

Giles: "But everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You'd do well to learn to tolerate them."
Buffy: "Or I'll end up an old lady who can only live with cats?"
Giles: "Something like that."

Giles: "I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her."
Buffy: "Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs!"
Xander: "Ya think?"

Giles: ""But while the Mok'Tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to their lack of a soul.""
Kathy: "So I'm borrowing yours."

The Harsh Light Of Day

Xander: "I'm not enjoying this."
Giles: "Well, shelve them correctly and we can finish."
Xander: "I just don't get your crazy system."
Giles: "My system? It's called the alphabet."
Xander: "Huh. Would you look at that."

Anya: "You should lock your door."
Giles: "Believe me, I am kicking myself."

Giles: "You've done all you can for tonight. Go to bed."
Buffy: "Uh-huh. Sleepy. Yawn. Bye!"

Buffy: "You know what? I'm an adult and it's none of your business where I was."
Giles: "I'm sincerely relieved to hear it. Now, can we discuss the impending disaster?"

Oz: "Okay, either I'm borrowing all your albums, or I'm moving in."
Giles: "Oz, there are more important things than records right now."
Oz: "More important than this one?"
Giles: "Um, I suppose an argument could be made for..."
Xander: "Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV! He's shallow like us."
Oz: "I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed."
Giles: "I-I-I..."
Willow: "Well, maybe it doesn't work. It's like art."
Giles: "Uh... public television!"

Fear, Itself

Buffy: "Oh... my god."
Giles: "It's a sombrero."
Buffy: "And it's on your head."
Giles: "It seemed festive."

Giles: "Creatures of the night shy away from Halloween. they find it all much too crass."
Buffy: "Hard to believe."

Anya: "Well?"
Giles: "We're going to have to create a door."
Anya: "Create a door? You can do that?"
Giles: "I can."

"'The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar...'" (Buffy smashes symbol. Looks very proud of herself.) "'...is NOT one of them, and will in fact immediately bring forth the fear demon itself!'"

Giles: "Don't taunt the fear demon."
Xander: "Why, can he hurt me?"
Giles: "No. It's just... tacky."

Giles: "Oh, bloody hell, the inscription."
Buffy: "What's the matter?"
Giles: "I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar."
Buffy: "What's it say?"
Giles: "'Actual size.'"

Beer Bad

Giles: "I can't believe you served Buffy that beer."
Xander: "I didn't know it was evil."
Giles: "You knew it was beer."
Xander: "Well, excuse me, Mr. 'I spent the 60's in an electric- kool-aid funky-Satan groove.'"
Giles: "It was the early 70's, and you should know better."

Giles: "Well, she doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger. Maybe you should stay with her."
Buffy: "Boy smell nice."
Giles: "Or perhaps she should be left alone."

Buffy: "Buffy want beer."
Giles: "You can't have beer."
Buffy: "Want beer!"
Xander: "Giles, don't make cave-Slayer unhappy."

Giles: "Whose car is that?"
Xander: "I don't know. It wasn't locked."

Wild At Heart

Giles: "Splendid. Well, it's ages since I've been to a gig. Well, don't look that way. I'm... I'm... I'm down with the new music. And I have the albums to prove it."
Buffy: "Yes, but it's your cutting-edge 8-tracks that keep you ahead of the scene."
Oz: "Don't scoff, gang. I've seen Giles' collection. He was an animal in his day."
Giles: "Thank you."
Buffy: "Hey, why not? If the Stones can still keep rolling, why can't Giles?"

Willow: "I think that it's brave that you're here."
Giles: "Well, thank you, all. You've made me feel right at home."
Xander: "Isn't home that empty place you're trying to escape?"

TV announcer: "Treaty signed in 1648 that ended the 30 Years War."
Giles: "The Peace of Westphalia."
Contestant: "Uh, Yalta?"
Giles: "Oh, you moron."
TV Announcer: "I'm sorry, that's incorrect."
Giles: "That dinette set should be mine."

Giles: "Can I get you anything? Tea? I made a very interesting mousaka last night, if you're hungry."
Buffy: "Pass on the tea. And the moose, thank you."

Giles: "You come on business, I hope?"
Buffy: "Yes. Lucky for you, people may be in danger."

Buffy: "Giles, I've never seen her like this. It's like it hurts too much to form words."
Giles: "You've felt that way yourself and you got through it."
Buffy: "Yeah. I ran away and went to hell and then got through it. I'm kind of hoping she doesn't use me as a model."
Giles: "Fair enough."

The Initiative

Giles: "That's a very impressive array. Where'd it all come from?"
Xander: "Uh, requisitioned it. Back when I was military guy."

Giles: "That was two years ago. You still 100%?"
Xander: "Are you kidding? I put the Semper in Semper Fi."

Xander: "Every man faces this moment. Here, now. Watching, waiting for an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last."
Giles: "Oh, shut up."

Giles: "You have a plan?"
Buffy: "I am the plan."

Pangs

Buffy: "Do you even own a turkey pan?"
Giles: "Tell me again why we're not doing this at your house?"
Buffy: "Giles, if you would like to get by in American society, you are going to have to follow our traditions. You're the patriarch. You have to host the festivities, or it's all meaningless."
Giles: "And this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the clean-up?"
Buffy: "How about that ceremonial knife, huh? Pretty juicy piece of clueage, don't you think?"

Giles: "I'm glad that you're watching out for her, but I feel that I should remind you that she's not helpless and it's not your job to keep her safe."
Angel: "It's not yours anymore, either. You going to walk away?"

Buffy: "And, 'Native American.'"
Giles: "Sorry?"
Buffy: "We don't say 'Indian.'"
Giles: "Oh, right. Yes, yes. Always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as 'bloody colonials.'"

Buffy: "We need to boil those and put them through the ricer."
Giles: "I don't think I have a ricer."
Buffy: "You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? How could someone not have a ricer?"
Giles: "Well, do you have one at home?"
Buffy: "I don't know. What's a ricer?"

Giles: "What's all that?"
Willow: "Atrocities. I got the full poop on the Chumash Indians and our fabulous buried mission."
Buffy: "You said you were gonna get fresh ones."
Willow: "Atrocities?"
Buffy: "Peas. They come in little pods. You were going to shell them."
Willow: "I didn't have time. I was busy reading about the Chumash war."
Giles: "The Chumash were peaceful."
Willow: "They were peaceful, all right. They were fluffy indigenous kittens, until we came along."
Buffy: "They're going to be mushy."
Giles: "I like mushy peas."
Buffy: "You're the reason we had to have Pilgrims in the first place."

Willow: "Are you sure we shouldn't be helping him?"
Giles: "No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder."

Willow: "You mean Angel? I saw him, too."
Giles: "That's not terribly stealthy of him."
Willow: "I think he's lost his edge."

Giles: "But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this."
Willow: "And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of."

Buffy: "Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles."
Giles: "It's sort of an end in itself."

Spike: "Invite me in!"
Buffy: "No."
Giles: "Very unlikely."

Giles: "We need a plan."
Spike: "Yes, let's talk about it some more."

Something Blue

"Spike, we have no intention of killing a harmless, um, creature."

Giles: "We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or-"
Spike: "Hey!"
Giles: "Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're..."
Buffy: "Flaccid?"
Spike: "You are one step away, missy!"
Buffy: "Giles, help! He's gonna scold me."

"If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand."

Giles: "A truth spell. Of course, why didn't I think of that?"
Willow: "'Cause you had your hands full with the un-dead English patient?"

Spike: "Come on, now! It's telly time! 'Passions' is on! Timmy's down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll..."
Giles: "Do what? Lick me to death?"

"Look, uh, Willow, I think we ought to try the spell. Among other things, I'd like to shower sometime today. Alone."

Spike: "I won't have you doing mojo on me if you can't read properly. You could turn me into a stink beetle or what-all."
Giles: "That would be a generous ending for you, Spike."

Giles: "I'm certain it's a spell of some kind, because, um, well, it seems something else... is going wrong."
Buffy: "Here you go - 98.6."
Giles: "Horribly wrong."

Buffy: "Oh, stop."
Giles: "Yes, please stop."
Buffy: "Giles, did you see my ring?"
Giles: "Thankfully, not very well."

Buffy: "From now on... we're family."
Giles: "It's all right, I- I have more Scotch."

"So the plan is to cure my total incapacitating blindness tomorrow, is it?"

"Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking."

"Stop, whatever you're doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups."

Willow: "Look, cookies! A very not-evil thing I did. Oatmeal?"
Giles: "Yes, very funny. They're chocolate chip. I can see them. I still need my glasses - you couldn't be more specific and give me 20/20?"
Willow: "Eat a cookie and ease my pain?"

Hush

"Well, it could definitely be one of your prophetic dreams, or it could just be the eternal mystery that is your brain."

Spike: "We're out of weetabix."
Giles: "We are out of weetabix because you ate it all. Again."
Spike: "Get some more."
Giles: "I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."
Spike: "Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture."
Giles: "Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself."
Spike: "Sissy."

"Thank you for knocking."

Giles: "I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone."
Anya: "Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?"
Giles: "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said."

Giles: "So, would you say this was your best visit ever?"
Olivia: "All the time you used to talk to me about witchcraft and darkness and the like, I just thought you were being pretentious."
Giles: "Oh, I was. I was also right."
Olivia: "So everything you told me was true?"
Giles: "Well, no. I wasn't actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd, but... About the monster stuff, yes."

Doomed

Giles: "It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in Southern California. No reason to think it was anything more."
Buffy: "Oh, I so have a reason. A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died."
Giles: "Yes, I know that, and therefore, I completely understand your anxiety."
Buffy: "Oh, good. 'Cause I'd hate for my little untimely, horrible death concern to be ambiguous."

Giles: "It's the end of the world."
Buffy, Willow & Xander: "Again?!?"

Buffy: "I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like, 'Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh.'"
Giles: "I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse."
Willow: "No, it can't be. We-we've done this already."
Giles: "It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really."
Willow: "So what do we do?"
Buffy: "I stop it."

"Oh, as usual, dear!"

Giles: "They're going to the Hellmouth. The one in the Library."
Buffy: "Looks like we're going back to high school."

A New Man

"This is a lively space. It's like an activity room we had at public school. One time I got up to a bit of a prank with the dartboard."

"Yes. I'm embarrassed to say that I actually miss it at times."

Riley: "So, you're retired?"
Giles: "I'm sorry?"
Riley: "Or... you're working somewhere else now?"
Giles: "Well, not, um... sort of between projects..."

Giles: "I'm not sure I would have gone with the surprise party. You have enough things jumping out at you in the dark."
Buffy: "Professor Walsh says adrenaline is like exercise, but without the exorbitant gym fees."
Giles: "Very witty."
Buffy: "You should meet her. She's absolutely the smartest person I've ever met."
Giles: "Perhaps we should have invited Professor Walsh to the party."
Buffy: "Oh, no. I mean, she's, like, 40. She's got better things to do than hang out with a bunch of kids."

"The third new moon after the 900th feast of Delthrox... Oh, crap!"

"Professor Walsh, I presume. You're hard to find. These halls are quite the labyrinth. I felt like Theseus and the Minotaur in the, uh, labyrinth."

Giles: "Buffy's been very influenced by your course. She quotes you quite often. Sometimes she sounds a bit like an introductory textbook herself."
Maggie Walsh: "I don't lecture from the textbook."

Giles: "If you lead a child by the hand, then they'll never find their own footing."
Maggie Walsh: "And if it's true about hiking, ergo it must be true about life."

Maggie Walsh: "I have found her to be a unique woman."
Giles: "Woman. Of course. How wrong of me to choose my own words."

Willow: "You know. I'm sure you know. Riley's one of the commandos."
Giles: "What?! Well, that's marvelous, isn't it? Here I am, spent weeks trying to get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors, and no one bothers to tell me that Buffy's dating one of them? Who else knows?"
Xander: "No one. No one else knows this. (pause) Anya, and that's it."
Willow: "And Spike."

Giles: "Nothing is gonna happen." (leaves crypt)
Ethan: "I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to happen..."
Giles: (re-entering) "Did someone...?"
Ethan: "Oh, bugger! I'd thought you'd gone!"

"Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is going to improve my day."

than: "Brilliant. Now, isn't this more fun than kicking my ass?"
Giles: "No."
Ethan: "Oh. It's more fun for me."

Ethan: "Oh, so cross. We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart?"
Giles: "About the same time you started to worship chaos."
Ethan: "Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, that. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles."

Giles: "You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her Nancy Ninja boys come in, six months later the demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me."
Ethan: "Who's Maggie Walsh?"
Giles: "Oh, she's awful. She said I was an absent male role model. Absent, my ass. But, I'm twice the man she is."
Ethan: "You know, you're really very attractive."
Giles: "Hmmm?"

Giles: "We've gotta face it. We've changed. Well, not you. You're still sadistic and self-centered."
Ethan: "Here's to me."
Giles: "The world has passed us by. Someone snuck in and left a couple of has-beens in our place."

Giles: "What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head."
Ethan: "Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore, mate. When you went to the loo, I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You'll be dead in an hour. Just kidding!"

Giles: "I'm going to feel like hell in the morning."
Ethan: "Relax. Enjoy the night. We're still a couple of sorcerers. The night is still our time. A time of magic."
Giles: "To magic."

"I knew I'd feel like hell in the morning."

"Oh, and I liked that shirt."

"Still asleep? It's 10:30 in the morning."

"Bloody humans!"

Spike: "Well, what do I spy with my little eye? A demon. That would be - oh, right - the things I can kill."
Giles: "Spike. Wonderful. The perfect end to a perfect day."

Giles: "You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being-killed."
Spike: "And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?"
Giles: "You help me, and I- I don't kill you."
Spike: "Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter."
Giles: "Money? I could pay you money."
Spike: "Oh, I like money. How much?"
Giles: "A hundred dollars?"
Spike: "A hundred dollars. You'll have to do a LOT better than that. 200."
Giles: "Fine."
Spike: "Right, then."
Giles: "Right, then."

Giles: "If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear."
Spike: "I'm doing my best. I don't know if I'm driving this thing, or wearing it."
Giles: "It's perfectly serviceable."
Spike: "Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of them working for me once. They're more like, "Like to crush. Crush now?""

Giles: "Do I have special powers? Like setting things on fire with my sizzling eyebeams?"
Spike: "Well, you got the mucous thing."
Giles: "What? Mucous?"
Spike: "Paralyzing mucous. It shoots out through the nose. Sets up fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight."
Giles: "Are you making this up?"
Spike: "Maybe. But hey, if you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me."

Giles: "I don't like this feeling. This sort of mindless need to destroy. This anger, rage."
Spike: "Good times. Go with it."
Giles: "No."
Spike: "It's fun. I can't do it. Do it for me. Let yourself go!"

"I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Ooh, stop the car. Right, let's go, then."

Spike: "How are you feeling, mate?"
Giles: "Like snapping necks until everyone's dead."
Spike: "Now, that sounds like a Fyarl demon. Good for you. Hey, picked up a tail."
Giles: "Yes, just a little one. Hurts when I sit."

Spike: "It's getting closer. And it's got a friend!"
Giles: "Damn! "
Spike: "Oh, sure. Dismantle the getaway car. That'll scare them."

Buffy: "Please don't die."
Giles: "Actually, I feel quite well, except for the rage."

"If you don't mind, I'm going to go and watch them manhandle him into a vehicle."

Buffy: "Nice phone."
Giles: "Yes, fabulous technology. You see, if anyone has any information I need to know, they can simply tell me about it through this ingenious speaking tube. I'm very excited."

Buffy: "Are you sure you're not just saying this because you don't like Riley's boss?"
Giles: "No. No, I'm not saying that at all. Though I do hate her quite a lot."

The I In Team

Spike: "Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home."
Giles: "Ah, yes, careless of me. Tracking mud all over your, um, mud."
Spike: "I'll admit, it's a bit of a fixer-upper. Needs a woman's touch. Care to have a crack at it?"

Giles: "Three hundred - count it if you like."
Spike: "I'll do that."

Giles: "I don't know how many more ways I can say, I'm not interested."
Xander: "Try one. Check these flavors: Cherry Berry, Maple Walnut, ooh, Almond Licorice."
Anya: "Eww."
Xander: "Anya, we don't say "Eww" in front of potential customers."
Anya: "Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand."
Giles: "Very well. Maple Walnut."
Xander: "An excellent choice."
Giles: (takes bite, grimaces) "Please leave my home now."

Spike: "Look, the buggers shot me, in the back."
Giles: "Remind me, why should I help you?"
Spike: "Because you do that. You're the goody-good guys. You're the bloody freaking cavalry."
Giles: "No, you can come up with a better answer than that. Why should I help you?" >br>Spike: "Oh, because I helped you. When you turned into that Fyarl demon, I helped you, didn't I?"
Giles: "And that was out of the evilness of your heart?"
Spike: "Oh, hell no. I made you pay me. (pause) You right bastard."

Giles: "It doesn't appear to be a bullet, and it's too deeply embedded to be a tranquilizer dart."
Spike: "Also not tranquil!"

Willow: "Did it work? The atmosphere ionized?"
Giles: "I'd venture yes."

Goodbye Iowa

"Giles: "Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank hole."
Spike: "What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all?"
Giles: "Precisely."

Giles: "It's very unlikely those Initiative boys are gonna come around here to look for our..."
Riley opens door & walks in: "Buffy!"

Willow: "Well, look who's cranky-bear in the morning."
Giles: "Yes, I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball."
Anya: "Every time you moved, it made squeaky noises. It was irritating."
Giles: "Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring."

This Year's Girl

Willow: "Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens."
Giles: "Well, I'd like to veto that."
Xander: "Second. It's called a blaster, Will. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgasmator, I'd be the first to try your basic button-press approach."

Giles: "The puzzle, it seems to me, is why Adam has stayed dormant as long as he has."
Willow: "When he's not making performance art out of other demons, that is."

Xander: "Been there, tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall."
Giles: "Well, the Initiative, they do have containment facilities."
Xander: "One word: evil!"

Giles: "Perhaps there's some form of rehabilitation we just haven't thought about."
Willow: "And if not, ass-kicking makes a solid Plan B."

Who Are You

Giles: "It's about Faith, not surprisingly."
Buffy (Faith): "Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass."
Xander: "I feel a high-five coming on."

"This is a special operations unit. They handle the Council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation... wetworks."

Faith (Buffy): "Okay, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith."
Giles: "Really?"
Faith (Buffy): "Really."
Giles: "'Cause the resemblance is striking."

Faith (Buffy): "Stop inching. You were inching!"
Giles: "Look, I know what you're going to say, and, and..."
Faith (Buffy): "I'm Buffy."
Giles: "All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy."

Giles: "If you are Buffy, then you'll let me tie you up... without killing me... until we find out whether you're telling the truth."
Faith (Buffy): "Giles, Faith has taken my body, and for all I know she's taken it to Mexico by now. I don't have time for bondage fun."

Faith (Buffy): "Ask me a question. Ask me anything."
Giles: "Who's president?"
Faith (Buffy): "We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion."

Faith (Buffy): "Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean, can't you look into my eyes and be all intuitive?"

Faith (Buffy): "And you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid, lifestyle-wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker-type, but... Oh, oh! When I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. Do you want me to continue?"
Giles: "Actually, I beg you to stop."
Faith (Buffy): "What's a stevedore?"

Willow: "You're Buffy. You and Faith switched bodies. Probably through a Draconian katra spell."
Giles: "She understands it better than I do."

"Damn it, man, we have to get inside! Our, um, uh... our families are in there! Our, um, mothers, and tiny, tiny babies!"

Superstar

Giles: "I can't find a reference to any rituals. Seems more like a... family meal, if you will."
Buffy: "And they say no one eats without the TV on any more."

Buffy: "Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?"
Giles: "No. (pause) Yes. It was a gift."

Xander: "Right, you can't just go "librum incendere" and expect..." (book bursts into flames)
Giles: "Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books."

Xander: "So we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?"
Giles: "Yes."
Xander: "That is so cool!"

Where the Wild Things Are

Giles: "As much as I long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump."
Tara: "What are you doing there?"
Giles: "I'm, uh, it's a meeting of grown-ups. It couldn't possibly be of any interest to you lot."

Willow: "They're probably goin' to..."
Giles: "Yes, thank you, Willow. I did attend University in the Mesozoic Era, I do remember what it's like."

Giles: "When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or respond in any way?"
Anya: "No. They're probably dead."
Xander: "Unless they were too busy doin' it to answer."
Giles: "Doing what?"
Xander: "You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you're... kind of naive."

"In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? (pause) Oh, for a different phrasing."

Tara: "We implore you... be still."
Giles: "Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage."
Willow: "Transform your pain. Release your past... and... get over it."

New Moon Rising

Giles: "How did you get in?"
Spike: "The door was unlocked. You might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in."
Buffy: "Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying."
Spike: "Now, now. None of that. Or I won't help you get Red's mongrel back."

Giles: "Short of cash, Spike?"
Spike: "I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah."

Anya: "Slap my hand now."
Giles: "Beg your pardon?"
Anya: "In celebration."
Giles: "Oh. Yes." (high-fives Anya)
Anya: "Ow!"

The Yoko Factor

Giles: "What do you want?"
Spike: "Year's supply of blood, guaranteed protection, merry bushels of cash, and most important, a guarantee that I'm not to be in any way slain."

Spike: "What makes you think she'll listen to you?"
Giles: "Because."
Spike: "Very convincing."
Giles: "I'm her Watcher."
Spike: "I think you're neglecting the past tense there, Rupert."

Spike: "I've seen the way she treats you."
Giles: "Ah, yes? How's that?"
Spike: "Very much like a retired librarian."

Spike: "A couple of them make me on the way out, but I took care of them."
Giles: "Gave them a good running-away-from, did you?"

"Whatever happened to Latin? At least when that made no sense, the Church approved."

Giles: "You never train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass."
Buffy: "Giles!"
Giles: "Sorry. Was it a bit honest? Terribly sorry."

Xander: "I'll stay behind and putter around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred here."
Giles: "Ah, no, I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget, Alfred had a job."

Buffy: "Are you drunk?"
Giles: "Yes, quite a bit, actually."
Buffy: "Well, stop it."

"I, for one, am not missing a minute of it..."

Xander: "Tara's your girlfriend?"
Giles: "Bloody hell!"

Primeval

Giles: "Pardon the robe, it's a bit of a late start."
Willow: "Right."
Tara: "Hope you're feeling all right, Mr. Giles."
Giles: "Oh, yes, quite well, thank you. Yes, I'll probably have a brisk jog later on."

"Will you be working here, you know, typing, talking? Because that will be fine."

Giles: "Well, uh, Spike can be very convincing when-when-when... I'm very stupid."
Buffy: "That's where it came from, the stuff we said the other night."
Giles: "Of course. Well, piffle, let's move on."

Giles: "Perhaps a paralyzing spell. Only I can't perform the incantation for this."
Willow: "Right. Don't you have to speak it in Sumerian or something?"
Giles: "I do speak Sumerian."

Xander: "So, no problem, all we need is combo-Buffy. Her with Slayer-strength, Giles' multilingual know-how, and Willow's witchy-power. Yeah, don't tell me, I'm just full of helpful suggestions."
Giles: "As a matter of fact, you are."

Willow: "Nervous?"
Xander: "No way. I'm full of that good old kamikazee spirit."
Giles: "Xander, just because this is never going to work, there's no need to be negative."

Willow: "It's a gourd."
Giles: "Magic gourd."
Colonel: What kind of freaks are you people?"

Buffy: "Is this place okay to be magic central?"
Giles: "It should do."
Willow: "As long as we don't get all blowed up or nothin'."
Xander: "What are the odds of that?"

Spike: "Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?"
Giles: "Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all."
Xander: "You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here."

Restless