Season Four

The Harsh Light Of Day

Anya: "You should lock your door."
Giles: "Believe me, I am kicking myself."
Xander: "Anya? The last time I saw you fleeing in terror. How'd that work out for you?"

Anya: "So, where's our relationship?"
Xander: "Our what? Our who?"

Anya: "I can't stop thinking about you. Sometimes, in my dreams, you're all naked."
Xander: "Really? You know, if I'm in the check-out line at Wal-Mart, I've had that same one."
Anya: "So I can assume a standing Friday night date, and a mutual recognition of prom night as our dating anniversary?"
Xander: "Anya, slow down. In fact, come to a screeching halt."

Xander: "So... the crux of this plan is..."
Anya: "Sexual intercourse. I've said it, like, a dozen times."
Xander: "Uh-huh. Just working through a little hysterical deafness here."
Anya: "I think it's the secret to getting you out of my mind. Putting you behind me. Behind me figuratively. I'm thinking face-to-face for the event itself."

Xander: "But sexual interc-- What you're talking about, well--and I'm actually turning into a woman as I say this--but it's about expressing something. And accepting consequences."
Anya: "Oh, I have condoms. Some are black."
Xander: "That's... that's very considerate."
Anya: "I like you. You're funny, and you're nicely shaped. And frankly, it's ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not... interlock. Please remove your clothing now."
Xander: "And the amazing thing... still more romantic than Faith."
(ding)
Anya: "Fabric softener."

Fear, Itself

Anya: "Your Uncle Rory let me in. Does he always smell like peppermint?"
Xander: "The man likes his schnapps."

Xander: "You said you were over me."
Anya: "And you just accepted that?"

Xander: "I can't say seeing you falls into the realm of a bad thing."
Anya: "Really? I thought maybe we could go out tonight. For our anniversary."
Xander: "Anniversary?"
Anya: "It's been exactly one week since we copulated."

Anya: "Are we dating?"
Xander: "There are definitely date-like qualities at work here."

Anya: "Are you listening? Xander's trapped."
Giles: "Where's Buffy and the others?"
Anya: "Oh, they're trapped, too. But we've gotta save Xander!"

Anya: "What?"
Xander: "That's your scary costume?"
Anya: "Bunnies frighten me."

Pangs

Anya: "Look at him. Have you ever seen anything so masculine?"
Buffy: "You mean Guerrero or his wife?"
Willow: "I think she means..."
Buffy: "Oh. Very manly. Not at all Village People."
Anya: "So much sexier than the outfit from his last job."
Willow: "Oh, I miss the free hot dogs on sticks."
Anya: "I'm imagining having sex with him right now."

"Well, I think that's a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice."

"To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It's a ritual sacrifice. With pie."

Anya: "What's she doing? Xander said he was gonna dig. I want to see Xander dig."
Willow: "That part's just ceremonial."
Anya: "Well, it bites. She's not rippling at all."

Anya: "Look at him."
Willow: "Very... diggy."
Anya: "Soon he'll be sweating. I'm imagining having sex with him again."
Buffy: "Imaginary Xander is quite the machine."

Anya: "You're pasty and wet and disgusting. They can dig without you."
Xander: "I don't really feel that bad."
Anya: "I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon. You look like you're getting all of them."
Xander: "Okay, I'll stay. But you should go. You could catch it."
Anya: "We'll die together. It's romantic. Let me get your trousers off."
Xander: "You're a strange girlfriend."
Anya: "I'm a girlfriend?"
Xander: "There's a chance I'm delirious."
Anya: "Ah, yes. Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far, I like it."

"It'll make you blind and insane. But it won't kill you. The smallpox will."

"You're gonna get vesicles and pustules. They have pictures."

Willow: "I think he thought we were crazy."
Xander: "Well, maybe if Anya hadn't opened the conversation with, 'Everybody got both ears?'"
Anya: "I liked his wife. She gave me pie."

"So this is Angel. He's large and glowery, isn't he?"

"What's he like when he IS evil?"

Something Blue

Xander: "Jeeze. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even call her? That's pretty harsh."
Anya: "I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquify his entrails for her."
Xander: "That's sweet."

"I liked those fruit roll-ups."

"Why are you holding hands?"

Xander: "Something about Willow and her griefy "poor me" mood swings. So, so tired of it."
Anya: "You mean I don't have to be nice about her anymore?"

Anya: "I'd been dumped. I was miserable. Doing a few vengeance spells - boils on a penis, nothing fancy."
Xander: "Please skip ahead."

Anya: "How long are you going to keep making these?
Willow: "Oh... until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles' car."

Hush

Xander: "How could you say I'm using you?"
Anya: "You don't care about what I think, you don't ask about my day."
Xander: "You really did turn into a real girl, didn't you?"
Anya: "See? You make jokes during my pain."

Anya: "Well, I think we should talk about it now."
Giles: "Thank you for knocking."

"This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms."

Giles: "I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone."
Anya: "Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?"
Giles: "Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said."

A New Man

Anya: "I'm bored. Let's eat."
Xander: "Anya, we talked about this."
Anya: "I'm sorry, that was rude. Please continue your story. Hopefully, it involves treacle and a headmaster."
Giles: "Go and eat."

"A gift is traditional. I read about it."

Buffy: "Okay, there's a demon, and Giles is gone. But it doesn't mean that he's hurt. Oh, and there's no blood anywhere, so maybe the demon just took him somewhere."
Anya: "I think it ate him up."

"We have nothing."

Willow: "It stole Giles' car."
Xander: "Why would a demon steal a car?"
Anya: "Why would a demon steal THAT car?"

The I In Team

Anya: "What a stupid game. All these rules just to win little plastic discs."
Xander: "Chips. They're called chips. They represent money, since none of us has any money to represent money."

Willow: "You know how it is with a spanking-new boyfriend."
Anya: "Yes, we've enjoyed spanking."
Xander drops his cards in shock/embarrassment

Willow: "They are anti-demon. But probably pro ex-demon."
Anya: "Maybe. I choose to feel threatened."

Anya: "Xander, you haven't been paying any attention to me tonight. Just peddling those processed food bricks. I don't know why."
Xander: "Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars, make money, take Anya nice places, buy pretty things."
Anya: "That does make sense. All right, I support you. Go sell more."

Xander: "Try one. Check these flavors: Cherry Berry, Maple Walnut, ooh, Almond Licorice."
Anya: "Eww."
Xander: "Anya, we don't say "Eww" in front of potential customers."
Anya: "Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand."

Goodbye Iowa

Xander: "Cool. Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway."
Anya: "Yes. Come boogie."

Buffy: "Maggie tried to kill me."
Anya: "It didn't work, but they're all upset, anyway."

Anya: "Every time you moved, it made squeaky noises. It was irritating."
Giles: "Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring."

Anya: "You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander."
Buffy: "That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things, like hold hands through the daisies, going 'tra-la-la.'"
Willow: "Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average."
Anya: "So dump him. But you can't have Xander."
Buffy: "I'll try and remember that."

Buffy: "It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the 'I hurt when he hurts, I smile when he smiles' stage."
Anya: "I hate that part."

Buffy: "Xander, you and I are going undercover."
Anya: "Hey! Remember before - no Xander. Not in a boyfriend way, or a 'lead him to certain death' way."

"Can't you do something else to help them, like Xerox handouts or something?"

Who Are You

Buffy (Faith): "Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice."
Anya: "How's that?"
Buffy (Faith): "Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. I guess that's just regular justice."

Giles: "This is a special operations unit. They handle the Council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation... wetworks."
Willow: "What's wetworks?"
Xander: "Scuba-type stuff."
Anya: "I thought it was murder."
Xander: "Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder, with snorkels."

Anya: "So what you're saying is that everything's fine?"
Giles: "Um, yes."
Anya: "Well, I'm glad you called us all here, because that information could never be conveyed by telephone."

Xander: "We kind of have a romantic evening planned."
Anya: "We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them."
Buffy (Faith): "Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes."
Anya: "Hey!"
Xander: "I believe that's my 'hey.' Hey!"

Superstar

Buffy: "A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I mean, I know I could take at least two."
Anya: "Yes. And then we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck."

Xander: "We knocked 'em dead. Which they already were."
Willow: "We knocked 'em deader."
Anya: "Well, they weren't very well organized. If they'd all rushed at Buffy, they could have killed her right away."
Buffy: "Thanks, Anya, that won't keep me awake all night."

Anya: "I did not."
Xander: "Last night, with me, you said 'Jonathan.'"
Anya: "It was a moan."
Xander: "Fine, you moaned 'Jonathan.'"
Anya: "Nuh-uh. It was like, 'A-a-a-ahhh.'"
Xander: "Maybe it was 'A-a-a-ahhnathon.' Still not fluffing up the old ego."

Anya: "Xander?"
Xander: "Yeah?"
Anya: "Let's go have sex now."
Xander: "Yeah. Okay."

Anya: "Xander's not here."
Buffy: "Oh."
Anya: "You're not going away. Why aren't you going away?"
Buffy: "Well, I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander's stuff."
Anya: "Oh. sure. Come on in, make yourself at home. And so on."

"Oh, you're still here? That's nice."

Anya: "Buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill, kill."
Buffy: Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you."

Buffy: "Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right?"
Anya: "Vengeance wishes, on ex-boyfriends. I'd wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley, or something."
Buffy: "But someone could wish the whole earth to be different, right? That's possible?"
Anya: "Sure, alternate realities. You could have, like, a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan's like, some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that's what's blowing up your skirt these days. Just don't ask me to live there."

Willow: "Oh."
Anya: "Yeah, pretty darn lickable."
Willow: "The other kind of 'oh.'"

Riley: "These spells. These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside-out, or learn to excrete gold coins?"
Anya: "That one's not so much fun."

Willow: "Buffy was right. Buffy was right?"
Anya: "Doesn't sound very likely, does it?"

"Alternate realities are neat."

Where the Wild Things Are

Xander: "Anyways, they'll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you."
Anya: "So, you don't think I'm desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it?"
Xander: "I'm just not gonna win here, am I?"

Xander: "We've gone other nights without sex."
Anya: "I know. Twice!"

Anya: "I don't understand. I'm pretty, I'm young. Why didn't you take advantage of me? Is there something wrong with your body?"
Xander: "There's nothing wrong with my body."
Anya: "Well, there must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction..."
Xander: "Whoa! Hey! All systems go, here. No function problem, okay? You want sex? Let's have sex. Right here. Hot, sweaty, big sex!" (pause, both turn to look at children)

Spike: "Grrr!"
Anya: "Aaahh!"
Spike: "Oh, it's you."
Anya: "Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!"
Spike: "Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money."
Anya: "I'm not paying you for scaring me."
Spike: "You're not paying me. I'm robbing you."
Anya: "Oh, well, that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine."
Spike: "Grrrr!"
Anya: "Oh, now, come on! You're not even bumpy anymore!"
Spike: "Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again."
Anya: "Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?"
Spike: "Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail."
Anya: "I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless."
Spike: "Look who's talking. I don't see droopy-boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?"

Anya: "Boy, I miss those powers."
Spike: "Yeah. Tell me about it."
Anya: "A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler."
Spike: "You know... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?"
Anya: "Yeah. Now everything's complicated."
Spike: "It's a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. Ended badly."
Anya: "Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there's the love and sex, then there's nothing left but the vengeance. That's how it works."
Spike: "Hey... you and I should just do the vengeance. Both of us. You eviscerate Xander, and I'll stake Dru. Like a project."
Anya: "I don't know. I just can't. But you can go do Dru, though."
Spike: "Yeah, I will. Maybe later."

"We didn't have sex, if that's what you mean. That's all I do now, not have sex."

Anya: "It's the normal part of ending a relationship, right before the vengeance begins."
Xander: "Right. No! Vengeance?"

Anya: "I'm just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don't even have that!"

Anya: "Well then, I'm staying too. To show you how much I'm not bothered by you having fun. Because I'll be having more fun!"
Xander: "I'm having fun already!"
Anya: "Me too! Whoo-hoo!"

Willow: "We have to go back in there."
Anya: "Why?"
Xander: "Because Buffy and Riley are trapped."
Anya: "So? She's a Slayer, he's a big soldier-boy. What do they need you for?"
Xander: "Anya, look around. There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair."

"His voice is... pleasant."

Giles: "When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn't cry out or respond in any way?"
Anya: "No. They're probably dead."

"What good are weapons against disembodied spirits, Xander? They have no ass to kick."

Xander: "What do you feel?"
Anya: "Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry."
Xander: "I meant about the house."
Anya: "Oh. Still haunted."

"Shut up, repressed crybabies!"

Buffy: "If Riley and I hadn't... gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would have happened."
Anya: "True. Feel shame."
Xander: "My girlfriend. Mistress of the learning plateau."

New Moon Rising

"Everyone's uncomfortable now."

Willow: "Tara said they took him right before she found me."
Anya: "So, that's good, right? I mean, they probably haven't had time to eviscerate him yet."
Xander: "An, you can help by making this a quiet time."

(After Balcking out the whole of Sunnydale)
Anya: "Slap my hand now."
Giles: "Beg your pardon?"
Anya: "In celebration."
Giles: "Oh. Yes." (high-fives Anya a little too hard)
Anya: "Ow!"

The Yoko Factor

"Wow - the chip in your head means you can't even point a gun? How humiliating."

Anya: "You're joining the Army?!?"
Xander: "Okay, one: ow. Two: where'd you get that idea? Three: ow!"

Xander: "It happens that I'm good at a lot of things. I help out with all kinds of... stuff. I have skills, and... stratagems.. I'm very... help me out."
Anya: "He's a viking in the sack."

Xander: "Xander got fired from Starbucks. Xander got fired from that phone-sex line."
Anya: "They look down on you."
Xander: "And they hate you."
Anya: "But they don't look down on me."

Tara: "You think this will go on for a while?"
Anya: "Hard to say."
Tara: "Nice bathroom."
Anya: "Like the tile."

Primeval

"Xander. You said you wanted to check the board at the unemployment office this morning. (lifts blanket) You can't go like that. They won't even interview you if you're naked."

Xander: "Maybe I should join the Army."
Anya: "Don't they make you get up really early in the morning?"
Xander: "Oh, yeah. Never mind."

Anya: "So they all think you're a lost, directionless loser with no plans for the future. Pfft!"
Xander: "Anya, you can't "Pfft!" that stuff away."
Anya: "Why not?"
Xander: "I don't know."

"You're a good person and a good boyfriend, and... and I'm in love with you."

Restless