Xander: "Oh, okay, I got one. 'It's a mad house! A mad--'"
Willow: "Planet of the Apes!"
Xander: "Can I finish, please?"
Willow: "Oh, sorry, go ahead."
Xander: "'...house!'"

Willow: "'Use the force, Luke.'"
Xander: "Do I even have to dignify that with a guess?"

Xander: "Well, what else do you want to do? We already played Rock/Paper/Scissors. My hand's cramped up."
Willow: "Well, yes, if you're always scissors, of course your tendons are gonna' get strained."

Willow: "Xander!"
Xander: "Sorry, I can't help myself. Your nose looks so tasty."

Buffy: "Dad drove me down, and I figured you two losers would be getting into some kind of trouble."
Willow: "I think we had the upper hand, in a subtle way."

Xander: "Dreams are meaningful."
Willow: "Sheesh, tell me about it. The other night, I dreamt that Xander--uh, it wasn't Xander. I-In fact, it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it."

Willow: "Angel stopped by? Wow! Was there...well, I mean...was it having to do with kissing?"
Buffy: "Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing."

Xander: "Oh, hey, did you guys hear that Cibo Matto's gonna' be at the Bronze tonight?"
Willow: "Cibo Matto? They're playing?"
Xander: "No, Willow, they're gonna' be clog dancing."
Willow: "Cibo Matto can clog dance?! Oh, sarcasm, right."

Cordelia: "Well, I just meant that you guys always hang out together. So, did you guys fight any demons this summer?"
Willow: "Uh, yes, our own personal demons."
Xander: "Uh, such as--as--as lust and, um, thrift."

Willow: "Why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?"
Giles: "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out."
Xander: "A bitca?"

Willow: "She's possessed!"
Giles: "Possessed?"
Willow: "That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you should have seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy."
Xander: "Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me?"
Willow and Giles: "..."
Xander: "She's possessed."
Giles: "Possessed by what?"
Willow: "A...possessing thing!"

"This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place."

Xander: "So we dig up some graves tonight?"
Willow: "Oh boy, a field trip."

Xander: "So we're set, then. Say, nine-ish? B.Y.O. Shovel."
Willow: "And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered donuts?"
Xander: "Me."

Willow: "Love makes you do the wacky."
Buffy: "That's the truth."

"He was a big football star. All State two years ago. He was a running--he was a running--uh, someone who runs and catches."

Angel: "I think they kept some parts."
Buffy: "Could this get yuckier?"
Willow: "They probably kept the other parts to eat!"
Buffy: "Question answered."

"Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven't read this one."

Xander: "Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. The vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?"
Willow: "All the time."
Cordelia: "Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do--"
Xander: "Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?"
Willow: "Wondering why we never get dates."
Xander: "Yeah, so why do you think that is?"

Willow: "Are we still on for our chem tutorial tomorrow?"
Rodney: "Yeah. I think I've got almost all fourteen natural elements memorized."
Willow: "There are a hundred and three."

Willow: "I hope this story ends with, 'And she lived happily ever after.'"
Xander: "No, I think it ends with, 'And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.'"

"They could have at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages, like in the movies."

Willow: "Hey, guys."
Xander: "Willow! Hi! We were just talking about happy things, like the three of us going to the dance together. See? Heh heh heh, happy!"
Willow: "..."
Xander: "Not happy."
Willow: "No. Uh, oh, uh, yes. No. Rodney's missing."

Xander: "Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy."
Willow: "Right, and it rose from its tomb."
Buffy: "And attacked him..."
Willow: "..."
Xander: "..."

Willow: "On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke."
Xander: "For twenty-one hours?"
Willow: "It's addictive, you know."

Willow: "So, Ampata, you're a girl."
Ampata: "Yes, for many years now."
Willow: "And not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming, and here you are in a...girl way."
Xander: "It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will."

Willow: "Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress-up alternatives."
Xander: "And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives, all aimed at me."
Willow: "Bavarians are cool."
Xander: "Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers, and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat."
Willow: "Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong."

Buffy: "Ha! Or, possible ha. Do you think this matches? Hey!"
Willow: "Oh...yes...I'm caring about mummies."
Buffy: "Ampata's only staying two weeks."
Willow: "Yeah, and then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about."

Willow: "Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life."
Buffy: "Good for you."
Willow: "Well, I didn't choose yet."

Xander: "Have you seen Ampata?"
Willow:
Xander: "What was that?"
Willow: "I shrugged."
Xander: "Next time, you should probably say, 'shrug'."
Willow: "Sigh."

Buffy: "We need to find him. Ampata's the mummy."
Willow: "Oh. Good. Xander!"

Xander: "I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you have these guys?"
Willow: "Yeah, with their charmed lives, and their movie-star good looks, and more money than you can count...I'm hating."

Willow: "She's got a date with Angel. Isn't that exciting?"
Xander: "I'm elated."
Buffy: "I--I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with...ye gods...Cordelia."
Willow: "Cordelia?! Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really...Cordelia?!"
Xander: "Cordelia's much better for you than Angel."

Willow: "I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew."
Xander: "Buffy's lying...Buffy's going to frat parties...that's not askew, that's cockeyed."
Willow: "Askew means cockeyed."
Xander: "Oh."

Xander: "I'm going to the party."
Willow: "What?"
Xander: "I gotta' keep an eye on Buffy. Those frat guys creep me."
Willow: "You wanna' protect her?"
Xander: "Mm-hmm."
Willow: "And prove that you're just as good as those rich snotty guys?"
Xander: "Mm-hmm."
Willow: "Maybe catch an orgy?"
Xander: "If it's on early."

Giles: "What are you doing?"
Willow: "Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have...Angel, how do you shave?"

"I mean, she's sixteen going on forty!"

"You're gonna' live forever -- Ya' don't have time for a cup of coffee?!"

"Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta' help Buffy."

"Guys! Buffy! Snake! Basement! Now!"

Halloween

"Men are so delicate."

Willow: "Oh, Buffy, Angel would never fall for her act."
Buffy: "You mean that actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene act?"

"No, she's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuck."

Buffy: "You're missing the whole point of Halloween."
Willow: "Free candy?!"

Buffy: "It's 'come as you aren't' night. The perfect chance for a girl to get sexy and wild with no repercussions."
Willow: "Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz."

Willow: "But, this just isn't me."
Buffy: "And that's the point. Look, Halloween is the night that not you is you, but not you. You know?"

"She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?"

"I don't know what I'm looking for, plus I can't turn the page."

"Oh this is fun."

Willow: "How are we supposed to get through this without a slayer?"
Xander: "What's a Slayer?"

Willow: "Your name's Cordelia, you're not a cat and you're in High School and -"
Cordelia: "You went mad when?"

Willow: "I'm a ghost."
Giles: "A ghost of what?"
Willow: "This is nothing, you should have seen Cordelia. She's wearing a unitard with cat ears and everythhing."

Lie To Me

Xander: "This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends. Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?"
Willow: "Oh, that's what that song is about?"

Willow: "Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest, and the, uh, swimsuit competition."
Buffy: "Oh my God, Ford, stop that. The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill."

"Well, Angel, we could still play...See, you made him do that thing where's he's gone!"

Angel: "Unless you invite me, I can't come in."
Willow: "Oh, well, okay, I...invite you...to...come in."

Angel: "I guess I need help."
Willow: "Help? You mean, like on homework? No, 'cause...you're old, and you already know stuff."
Angel: "I want you track someone down...on the 'net."
Willow: "Oh, great! I'm so the 'net girl."

"Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?"

"Okay, but if there isn't anything weird--hey, that's weird."

Buffy: "Do you wanna' hang? We're cafeteria-bound."
Willow: "I-uh, I'm gonna'...do work in the computer lab on...school work...that I have...so I...cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford."

Buffy: "Are you drinking coffee again, 'cause we've talked about this."
Willow: "Hahaha, ha--it makes me jumpy. I...have to go...away."
Ford: "Nice girl."
Buffy: "There aren't two of those in the world."

Willow: "Boy, we blend right in."
Xander: "In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs."
Angel: "Let's look around. You guys check out downstairs."
Xander: "Sure thing, Bossy the Cow."
Willow: "Okay, but do they really stick out?"
Xander: "What?"
Willow: "Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'?"
Xander: "You have too many thoughts."

Xander: "Are you probably noticing a theme here?"
Willow: "As in 'Vampires, yay!'?"
Xander: "That's the one."

Xander: "Angel was in your bedroom?!"
Willow: "Ours is a forbidden love."

The Dark Age

Willow: "That's good. Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy. I've rented a scooter that's parked outside. I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti. And there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!"
Buffy: "Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail."
Willow: "'Cause...with the ziti."
Xander: "What're you two up to?"
Buffy: "Just having a quick game of Anywhere But Here."
Xander: "Oh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park."
Willow: "You never come up with anything new."
Xander: "I'm just not fickle like you two, okay? I'm constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park."

Willow: "Do you think Giles ever played Anywhere But Here when he was in school?"
Xander: "Giles lived for school. He's actually still better that there were only twelve grades."
Buffy: "He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'"
Willow: "Come on, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?"
Buffy: "Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed."

Ms. Calendar: "Morning, England."
Giles: "Oh, hello, Ms.--um, uh--Jenny."
Willow: "Feel the passion?"
Xander: "Mm-hmm."
Ms. Calendar: "Willow?"
Willow: "Coughing, not speaking."

Buffy: "Look at them."
Xander: "A twosome of cuteness."
Willow: "Can't you just imagine them getting together?"

Ms. Calendar: "Buffy."
Xander: "Huh, did I fall asleep already?"
Willow: "Aw, you miss your friends!"

Ms. Calendar: "He was home alone drinking?"
Willow: "But...tea, right?"
Buffy: "Wasn't tea, Will."

Willow: "I'm not gonna' get close enough to feel his pulse, but...he looks dead."
Xander: "Except for the walking and attacking Buffy part."

Willow: "Now there's something you don't see every day."
Cordelia: "I'm gonna' be in therapy 'til I'm thirty."

Willow: "'Unless the proper rituals are involved, the possession is permanent, and Eyghon will be born from within the host.'"
Cordelia: "I'm guessing eewww."

Willow: "I don't know about Giles, but ancient sects used to induce possession for bacchanals and, and orgies."
Xander: "Okay, 'Giles' and 'orgies' in the same sentence. I coulda' lived without that one."

Willow: "Did you find anything?"
Xander: "The most meticulous banking and phone record you've ever seen...and, um, this!"
Willow: "That's Giles?!"

Cordelia: "I've got the solution right here. 'To kill a demon...cut off its head.'"
Xander: "Oh yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, we'll find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey, she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school, you think anybody'll notice?"
Cordelia: "Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain."
Xander: "That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin'! I don't care if you're a girl or not, I'm throwin' down! Come on!"
Cordelia: "I've seen you fight, and don't think I can't take you!"
Xander: "Give it your best shot!"
Willow: "Hey!!! We don't have time for this, our friends are in trouble. Now we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it. And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"
Cordelia: "We're sorry."
Xander: "We'll be good."

Willow: "Oh, I've got it! I've got it!!!"
Xander: "She's good."

Buffy: "Hey, maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher."
Willow: "Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress."
Xander: "And the dental plan is crap."

Xander: "Well, there are no boxes for 'None of the above.' And that would introduce too many variables into their mushroom-headed, number-crunching, little world."
Willow: "I'm sensing bitterness."

Willow: "You're not even a teensy weensy bit curious about what kinda' career you could've had? I mean, if you weren't already a Slayer and all."
Buffy: "Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?"

Willow: "Ya' didn't check to see what seminar I was assigned to, did you?"
Xander: "I did, and you weren't."
Willow: "I wasn't what?"
Xander: "On the list."
Willow: "But, I handed in my test. I used a Number 2 pencil."
Xander: "Then I guess you must have passed."
Willow: "It's not the kind of test you pass or fail."

Willow: "So Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to the one you slayed last night? Or, is it 'slew'?"
Giles: "Both are correct, and yes, I'm sure."

Willow: "Goody! Research party!"
Xander: "Will, you need a life in the worst way."

Buffy: "These assassins, why are they after me?"
Willow: "'Cause you're the scourge of the underworld?"

Willow: "Don't warn the tadpoles!!!"

Giles: "'Don't warn the tadpoles'?"
Willow: "I...I have frog fear."

Willow: "My God, you people are all...well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are and we're going to the factory!"
Xander: "Yeah!"
Willow: "Buffy!"
Xander: "We were just going to rescue you."
Willow: "At least some of us were."

Willow: "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know! You two were fighting way too much, it's not natural!"
Xander: "I know it's weird--"
Willow: "'Weird'? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's...Cordelia, remember? Th-the We Hate Cordelia Club of which you are the Treasurer!"
Xander: "Look, I was gonna' tell you."
Willow: "Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?"
Xander: "We were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much."
Willow: "No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate...than be with me."

"Let's get this straight. I don't understand it. I don't wanna' understand it. You have gross emotional problems. And things are not okay between us."

"Giles, shut up."

Oz: "So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot?"
Willow: "Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our fun."

Willow: "Do you wanna' make out with me?"
Oz: "What?!"
Willow: "Forget it. I'm sorry. Well, do you?"
Oz: "Sometimes when I'm sitting in class -- you know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen -- I think about kissing you, and it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage."

Oz: "Oh, I'm not gonna' kiss you."
Willow: "What? But...freeze frame!"
Oz: "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous, or even the score, or something. And...that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay, I can wait."

Willow: "So did you like the movie last night?"
Oz: "I don't know. Today-today's movies are kinda' like popcorn. You know, you forgot about 'em as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn, though."
Willow: "Yeah, it was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. I mean, the part with you."
Oz: "Oh, that's great! My time was also...of the good."
Willow: "Mine too!"

"Oh, there...I have...my friend...so I will...go to her."

"I mean, he said he was gonna' wait until I was ready, but...I'm ready, honest. I'm good to go, here."

"It's nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smootchies."

Buffy: "What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?"
Willow: "At last count? All of them. Maybe more."
Buffy: "Well then, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow."
Willow: "But I want Oz to get an 'A' and, oh, one of those gold stars."

Buffy: "Have you dropped hints?"
Willow: "I've dropped anvils."

"Do you want me to go away?"

Buffy: "I was going on two minutes there without thinking about Angel."
Willow: "Well, there you go!"

Willow: "Great, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-IM-DATING-A-SKANKY-HO."
Buffy: "Meow!"
Willow: "Really? Thanks, I've never gotten a 'meow' before."
Buffy: "Well deserved."
Willow: "Darn tootin'!"

Giles: "Several animal carcasses were found mutilated."
Willow: "You mean like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me."
Oz: "Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves."
Willow: "Yeah."

"Well, last night was the night before the full moon, traditionally known as...the night before the full moon."

Willow: "Don't forget! You're supposed to be a meek little girly-girl like the rest of us."
Buffy: "Spoil my fun."

Cordelia: "I mean, with Xander, it's always, 'Buffy did this' and 'Willow said that'. Buffy, Buffy. Willow, Willow. It's like I don't even exist!"
Willow: "I sometimes feel like that."

"Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern, except without the holding, or...anything else."

Cordelia: "What's his problem? Oh, that's right, he's a guy."
Willow: "Yeah, him and Xander. Guys."
Cordelia: "Who do they think they are?"
Willow: "Couple of guys."

Buffy: "So what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile?"
Willow: "There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents."
Buffy: "Okay, most of those were not my fault! Somebody else started them. I was just standing up for myself!"
Willow: "They say it's a good idea to count to ten when you're angry."
Buffy: "One...two...three..."
Willow: "I'll keep looking!"

Buffy: "I noticed you were looking solo."
Willow: "Yeah. Oz wanted to be someplace that was...away, from me."

Willow: "I can't figure him out. He's so hot and cold, or lukewarm and cold."
Buffy: "Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, 'They grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want.'"
Willow: "That doesn't seem like a fair trade."

Buffy: "Maybe you need to make the first move."
Willow: "Hmm. That won't make me a slut?"
Buffy: "I think your reputation will remain intact."

Willow: "It used to be so much easier to tell if a boy liked you. He'd punch you on the arm and then run back to his friends."
Buffy: "Those were the days."

"I had this whole thing worked out, and I have it written down, uh, but then it didn't make any sense when I was reading it back."

"Buffy told me that sometimes what a girl makes has to be the first move and now that I'm saying this I'm starting to think that the written version sounded pretty good but, you know what I mean!"

"Oh what, so now you're special? You're Special Boy, with...chains and stuff. Why do you have...chains and stuff?"

"He-he said he was going through all these changes, then...he went through all these...changes!"

"I shot Oz!"

Willow: "I'm sorry about how all of this ended up, with me shooting you and all."
Oz: "It's okay, I'm-I'm sorry I almost ate you."
Willow: "It's okay."

Oz: "So, maybe it'd be best if I just...sorta'..."
Willow: "What?"
Oz: "Well, you know, like, stayed out of your way for a while."
Willow: "I don't know, I'm kind of okay with you being in my way."

Willow: "Well, I like you. You're nice, and you're funny, and you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but...that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either."
Oz: "You are quite the human."

Willow: "So, I'd still, if...you'd still."
Oz: "I'd still? I'd very still!"
Willow: "Okay. No biting, though."
Oz: "Agreed."

Willow: "Really?! Me? Teach the class?! Sure!"
Jenny: "Cool."
Willow: "Oh wait. What if they don't recognize my authority? What if they try to convince me that you always let them leave class early? What if there's a fire drill? What if there's a fire?!"

"Will I have the power to assign detention, or make 'em run laps?!"

"Sorry, I have to talk to her. She's a teacher, and teachers are to be respected, even if they're only filling in until the real teacher shows up, because otherwise chaos could ensue."

"I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes, dead or alive."

Buffy: "I just hope Giles can find a keep out spell soon. I know I'll sleep easier when I can...sleep easier."
Willow: "I'm sure he will. He's like...Book Man!"

Buffy: "Hey, sorry about your fish."
Willow: "Uh, it's okay. We hadn't really had time to bond yet."

"Although, for the first time, I'm glad my parents didn't let me have a puppy."

"I have to go. I have a class to teach in about five minutes, and I have to arrive early to glare disapprovingly at the stragglers."

"Oh darn! She's here. Five hours of lesson planning yesterday down the drain."

Willow: "I'm gonna' have a hard time explaining this to my dad."
Buffy: "You really think it'll bother him?" Willow: "Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year."
Buffy: "I see your point."
Willow: "Although it is worthwhile to see him do the Snoopy dance."

Cordelia: "Willow, are you aware that there are no fish in your aquarium?"
Willow: "..."

Willow: "Well, it went fine until Angel showed up and told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had--well, you know, that...they had...you know...you do know, right?"
Giles: "Oh, yes, sorry."
Willow: "Oh good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you maybe didn't know."
Giles: "No, thank you. I got it."

Giles: "Perhaps I should intervene on-on Buffy's behalf...her mother, and maybe...say something?"
Willow: "Sure! Like, what would you say?"
Giles: "We--ahh...uh..."
Willow: "..."
Giles: "You will tell Buffy I dropped by?"
Willow: "You bet."

Willow: "Not to be outdone..."
Buffy: "Homework."
Willow: "It's my way of saying get well soon."
Buffy: "You know, chocolate says that even better."
Willow: "I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name."
Buffy: "Chocolate means nothing to me."

"Do you want me to go real fast? Not that I would..."

Buffy: "Death."
Cordelia: "Death?"
Willow: "The Death? As in 'It is your time'?"

Cordelia: "But you do know that you saw death?"
Willow: "Did it have an hourglass?"

Willow: "So, where do we start?"
Giles: "Oh, I don't know, maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre incidents, that sort of thing."
Willow: "I'm sensing a little less than full committal here."
Giles: "Oh, I suppose so. Cordelia may be homerically insensitive, but sh e may also be right."

"But, on the 'we live on the Hellmouth' side, these kids may have seen a monster."

Willow: "I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time."
Xander: "No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong."
Willow: "Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?"
Buffy: "I...never have."

Willow: "It's weird going through his things. Look, he didn't finish his coffee. Guess he won't."

Willow: "Hey, wait, I think I have something."
Buffy: "Well, Sherlock!"

Willow: "Buffy, that's one hundred percent pure. It'll kill you in an instant."
Buffy: "Oh. They really should put that on the label."

Willow: "Frogs, frogs! Get them off of me! Oh my god, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Get them off! Frogs! Frogs! Oh my god, they're everywhere! Frogs!"
Dr. Wilkinson: "Not her, the other one!"
Willow: "No more frogs."

Willow: "You've been doing that a lot, patrolling and sacking. In fact, you've kind of been all work and no play Buffy."
Buffy: "I play. I have big fun. I came here tonight, didn't I?"
Willow: "You came. You saw. You rejected."

Buffy: "I'm just not in date mode right now."
Willow: "Well maybe you need to date to get in date mode."

Willow: "You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive."
Buffy: "Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend? The vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, and now my boyfriend's gone forever and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will be my choice of dentures."
Willow: "Okay. The Angel thing went badly. I'm on board with that."

"I bet you'll think coding is pretty cool. I mean, if you find two-digit multi-stacked conversions and primary number clusters a big hoot."

"Giles! I made them laugh. Did you hear? I did...the joke thing."

Willow: "Xander? What happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?"
Xander: "You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster."

Giles: "Sounds like paranormal phenomenon."
Willow: "A ghost? Cool!"

Willow: "The only solution is the final solution."
Xander: "Nuke the school? I like that."
Willow: "Not quite. Exorcism."
Cordelia: "Are you crazy? I saw that movie. Even the priest died."

"That's the hot spot. Where all the bad mojo is coming from."

Willow: "I made us all scapulas."
Xander: "Okay, so we can flip the ghost when it turns a nice golden brown?"
Willow: "Scapula, not spatula."

Willow: "I shall confront and expel all evil."
Cordelia: "I shall totally confront and expel all evil."

Xander: "So Buffy should be safe until we find a way to get her out?"
Willow: "In theory, yeah."

Cordelia: "It's about time our school excelled at something."
Willow: "Mmm, you're forgetting our high mortality rate."
Xander: "We're number one!"

"Gage, your pie chart is looking a lot like solitaire...with naked ladies on the cards?"

Xander: "He actually told you to alter his grade?"
Willow: "Exactly...except for actually telling me to. But he made it perfectly clear of what he wasn't telling me."
Xander: "That's wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our D's."

Buffy: "So, something ripped him open and ate out his insides."
Willow: "Like an Oreo cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the chocolatey cookie goodness."

Willow: "So we're looking for a beastie."
Giles: "That eats humans whole--except for the skin."
Buffy: "This doesn't make any sense."
Xander: "Yeah, the skin's the best part."
Buffy: "Any demons with high cholesterol?"
Giles: "..."
Buffy: "You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh."

Buffy: "You should question him."
Willow: "Really? Me? I'll crack him like an egg."

Willow: "So, you delved into the black arts, and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance."
Jonathan: "..."
Willow: "Didn't you?"
Jonathan: "What? No. I snuck in yesterday and peed in the pool."
Willow: "Oh. Eeew!"

Cordelia: "I thought Angel liked blood."
Buffy: "He used to."
Willow: "Maybe his eyes were too big for his stomach."

Cordelia: "Oh. Oh. Oh, my. Now, that, girls, is my kind of..."
Willow: "Xander?"

Xander: "I figure I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't."
Willow: "When you're nude? I meant to say changing."

Willow: "I'll talk to Nurse Greenliegh."
Buffy: "You're really getting into this interrogation thing."
Willow: "The trick is not to leave any marks."

Willow: "Do you think you're ready to fight Angel?"
Buffy: "I wish people would stop asking me that. Yes, I'm ready. I'm also willing and able."

Willow: "I will get you through this semester if I have to sweat blood."
Xander: "Do you think you're likely to? 'Cause I'd like to be elsewhere."
Willow: "It was only metaphor blood."
Oz: "I think you'd sweat cute blood."

Principal Snyder: "Are we having a chair shortage?"
Willow: "I didn't read anything about...oh, I get it."

Willow: "Do you really expect Angel to turn up tonight?"
Buffy: "No, I don't expect him to. But that's usually when he does."

Buffy: "This doesn't make any sense."
Willow: "Oh, sure it does. See...oh no, this doesn't make any sense."
Buffy: "It's senseless!"
Willow: "It is, but at least you know that, so you're learning."
Buffy: "Yay me!"

"You can learn this real easily, but if you're just gonna' give up, then don't waste my time."

Buffy: "This feels kind of morbid."
Willow: "I've gone through most of her files already."
Buffy: "Does that make it less morbid or you really morbid?"

Buffy: "I don't want you putting yourself in any danger, Will."
Willow: "And I don't want danger. Big no to danger."

"Okay, somebody explain the whole 'He will suck the whole world into Hell' thing 'cause that's the part I'm not loving."

"I don't wanna' be our only hope. I crumble under pressure. Let's have another hope."

Willow: "I need about a day, and...an Orb of Thesulah, whatever that is."
Giles: "A spirit vault for rituals of the undead. I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight."