"If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would've been like Woodstock."

"I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

"So, who do you kill for fun around here?"

"Do you know what I found worked real good with Slayers? Killing them."

"Go get something to eat."

Buffy: "Who are you?"
Spike: "You'll find out on Saturday."
Buffy: "What happens on Saturday?"
Spike: "I kill you."

"This is the place for us. The Hellmouth will restore you, put color in your cheeks, metaphorically speaking."

"All right, I"ll go up and get chanty with the fellas, but you got to do me one favor: eat something."

"I'm a veal kind of guy, you're too old to eat...but not to kill. I feel better."

"I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna' suck him dry...and use their bones to bash your head in. Are you getting a word picture here?"

Vampire: "The, uh, door is solid."
Spike: "Use your head."

Spike: "Come up against this Slayer yet?"
Angel: "She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog, 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed."
Spike: "Ha ha! People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world!"
Xander: "I knew you were lying. Undead...liar guy."

"You were my sire, man! You were my...Yoda!"

"Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom!"

Spike: "Fe, fi, fo, fum. I smell the blood of a nice ripe girl."
Buffy: "Do we really need weapons for this?"
Spike: "I just like them. They make me feel all manly."

Spike: "As a personal favor, from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit."
Buffy: "No, Spike. It's gonna' hurt a lot."

"From now on, we're gonna' have a little less ritual...and a little more fun around here!"

"Let's see what's on TV."

Halloween

Drusilla: "Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see."
Spike: "Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet."

"This is just...neat!"

"Look at you. Shaking, terrifed alone, lost little lamb. I love it."

Lie To Me

Spike: "Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?"
Ford: "I know who you are."
Spike: "Yeah, I know who I am too, so what?"

Ford: "Uh, I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me. It's traditional."
Spike: "Well, I don't go much for tradition."

Ford: "I wanna' be like you. A vampire."
Spike: "I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him now, love?"

"When we get there, everybody spread out. Two men on the door. First priority is the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share, people."

"Uh, where's the doorknob?"

Ford: "What happened?"
Spike: "We're stuck in a basement."
Ford: "Buffy?"
Spike: "She's not stuck in a basement."

Dalton: "It could be, uh, 'deprimere ille bubula linter.'"
Spike: "'Debase the beef...canoe.' Why does that strike me as not right?"

Spike: "Well, come on now. Enlighten me."
Dalton: "Uh, well, it looks like Latin, but it's not. I--I'm not even sure it's--it's a language actually I--"
Spike: "Then make it a language! Isn't that what a transcriber does?"

"Some people find pain...very inspirational."

Drusilla: "Now will you dance?"
Spike: "I'll dance with you, pet, on the Slayer's grave."

"Trouble? She's the gnat in my ear. The gristle in my teeth. She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!"

Vamp: "The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?"
Spike: "No, I think it's just enough kill."

Spike: "Talk, and I'll have your guts for garters."

Willy: "What are you gonna' do with him, anyway?"
Spike: "I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know."

"Aren't you a throw-himself-to-the-lions sort of sap these days. Well, the lions are on to you, baby."

"And if Dru dies, your little Rebecca of Sunnyhell Farm and all her maids are spared her coming-out party."

"Too bad, Angelus. Looks like you go the hard way, along with the rest of this miserable town."

"Now we just let them come to a simmering boil, and remove to a low flame."

Willy: "You said you wanted her!"
Spike: "In the ground, pinhead! I wanted her dead."

Spike: "Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so I forebear. Don't feel too bad for Angel, though. He's got something you don't have."
Buffy: "What's that?"
Spike: "Five minutes."

Spike: "Who the hell is this?"
Buffy: "It's your lucky day, Spike!"
Kendra: "Two Slayers."
Buffy: "No waiting."

Spike: "I'd rather be fighting you, anyway."
Buffy: "Mutual."

Spike: "What's Big Blue up to, anyway? He just sits there."
Judge: "I am preparing."
Spike: "Yeah. It's interesting to me that 'preparing' looks a great bit like sitting on your ass!"

Drusilla: "I'm naming all the stars."
Spike: "You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day."

Spike: "Do you know what happens to Angel?"
Angel: "Well, he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. Tough sledding, but one day, he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle."

"No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?"

"Now it's four against one, which are the kind of odds I like to play."

Angel: "Yeah. Destroying the world. Great. But I'm really more interested in the Slayer."
Spike: "Well, she's in the world, so that should work out."

Spike: "So you didn't kill her, then?"
Angel: "Of course not."
Spike: "Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know."

Judge: "I am ready."
Spike: "About time."

Spike: "I won't have you feeding me like a child, Dru!"
Angel: "Why not? Already bathes ya', carries ya' around and changes ya' like a child."

Angel: "Well, maybe next time, I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space."
Spike: "Have you forgotten that you're a bloody guest in my bloody home?"
Angel: "And as a guest, if there's anything I can do for you...any responsibility I can assume while you're spinning your wheels...anything I'm not already doing, that is."

"Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds."

"If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new improved one is not playing with a full sack."

"Uh-uh, no fair going into the ring unless he tags you first."

Spike: "It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us."
Angel: "You don't like it Spike, hit the stairs and go. Take a stand, man!"

"Yeah. You're a giver."

"Our man Angel here likes to talk, but he's not much for action. All hat and no cat."

"You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated."

Angel: "Try to have fun without me."
Spike: "Oh I will. Sooner than you think."

"Hello, cutie."

Spike: "Hey! White flag here. I quit."
Buffy: "Let me clear this up for you. We're mortal enemies. We don't get time-outs."

Buffy: "What do you want?"
Spike: "I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world."
Buffy: "Okay, you do remember that you're a vampire, right?"
Spike: "We like to talk big... vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I _like_ this world. You've got...dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Good-bye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester-bloody-Square."

Buffy: "All right, talk."
Spike: "I'm just gonna kill this guy..."
Buffy: "Ahem!"
Spike: "Oh, right."

Spike: "What, your Mom doesn't know?"
Joyce: "Know what?"
Buffy: "That I'm, uh...in a band. A rock band...with Spike here."
Spike: "Right. She plays the-the triangle--"
Buffy: "--Drums."
Spike: "Drums, yeah. She's hell on the old skins, you know."

Joyce: "Have we met?"
Spike: "You hit me with an ax one time. Remember? Uh, 'Get the hell away from my daughter!'"
Joyce: "Oh. So, do you, uh, live here in town?"

Buffy: "She killed Kendra."
Spike: "Dru bagged a Slayer? She didn't tell me. Good for her!"
Buffy: "..."
Spike: "Though not from your perspective, I suppose."

"You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet."

Spike: "Uh, Drusilla..."
Angel: "Honey..."
Spike: "We are finished here, ducks."
Drusilla: "Sorry. I was in the moment."

"Painful, isn't it?"

"I don't want to hurt you, baby. Doesn't mean I won't."