Season Two
When She Was Bad
Willow: "Giles!"
Xander: "Yo, G-Man! What's up?"
Giles: "Nice to see you, and don't ever call me that."
Buffy: "I don't think I can face them."
Giles: "Of course you can."
Buffy: "I can't! What am I supposed to say? 'Sorry I almost got your throats slit.
What's the homework?'"
Giles: "Punishing yourself like this is pointless."
Buffy: "It's entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger
on the second day of school."
Giles: "What are you going to do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?"
Buffy: "Would it have cable?"
Giles: "Buffy, you acted wrongly, I'll admit that, but believe me, that was hardly
the worst mistake you'll ever make."
Buffy: "..."
Giles: "That wasn't quite as comforting as it was meant to be."
Buffy: "Well, points for effort."
Some Assembly Required
Giles: "Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting."
Buffy: "I know you meant to say 'gross' and 'disturbing'."
Giles: "Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn
it."
"Why don't we ask Willow to fire this...thing up and track Meredith down."
Giles: "You understand, in my capacity as a school official, this search is completely
unauthorized. I cannot condone it."
Buffy: "Fine. Your butt's covered. Wanna' grab a locker?"
Giles: "Yes, yes, of course."
Buffy: "Okay, Giles. Just remember, 'I feel a thing. You feel a thing,' but personalize
it."
Giles: "Personalize it?"
Buffy: "She's a Techno-Pagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. Have fun!"
Giles: "Wha? Oh, don't..."
Xander: "Best of luck."
Giles: "...leave."
Ms. Calendar: "It's just such a rugged contest."
Giles: "Rugged? American football? Heh heh."
Ms. Calendar: "And that's funny because...?"
Giles: "Well, I think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its
virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just
in order to play rugby."
School Hard
Giles: "You are, after all, the Slay--"
Ms. Calendar: "Ahem."
Giles: "Slay--uh...slaves! You're all slaves to the, uh, television."
Buffy: "Giles, my mother's in that room. If I don't make it out of here, I know
you'll make sure she does."
Giles: "Bloody right, I will."
Inca Mummy Girl
Buffy: "So can I go?"
Giles: "I think not."
Buffy: "How come?"
Giles: "Because you are the Chosen One."
Buffy: "Oh, just this once, I'd like to be the Overlooked One."
Giles: "You have responsibilities that other girls do not."
Buffy: "Oh, I know this one! 'Slaying entails certain sacrifices--blah blah bity
blah--I'm so stuffy. Give me a scone."
Giles: "It's as if you know me."
Giles: "Fine! Go."
Buffy: "Yay! I win."
Giles: "I'll just go and introduce my shoulder to an ice pack."
Giles: "How do you do?"
Ampata: "Hi."
Giles: "I was won--I was wondering if you could, um, translate this."
Buffy: "That was in no way awkward."
Giles: "We're trying to translate it, uh, um, as, uh, a project for our, um..."
Willow: "Our archeology club."
Giles: "Very good."
Buffy: "Come on! Can't you put your foot down?"
Giles: "It is down."
Buffy: "One of these days, you're gonna' have to get a grown-up car."
Giles: "Oh, wait."
Buffy: "..."
Giles: "..."
Buffy: "Uh, waiting."
Reptile Boy
"Just because the paranormal is more normal and less...para of late, that is no
excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down."
"Yeah, well, I'm not a demon...which is why you should let go now. Thank you."
Giles: "Callie Megan Anderson...missing for over a week...no one's seen her, no
one knows what happened to her."
Willow: "This being Sunnydale and all, I guess we can rule out something good."
Giles: "An anniversary or perhaps some other event significant to the killer."
Willow: "Killer? Now there's a killer? We don't know that there's a--"
Giles: "Yeah, but this being Sunnydale and all..."
Willow: "Gulp."
Buffy: "I told one lie. I had one drink."
Giles: "Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words
'let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at this juncture."
Giles: "From now on, no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, um...an inordinate
amount of nudging."
Halloween
Giles: "I'll have you know that I have very, um, many relaxing hobbies."
Buffy: "Such as?"
Giles: "Well, um...I enjoy cross-referencing."
Buffy: "Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send 'em out?"
Buffy: "Ms. Calendar said you are a babe!"
Giles: "She said what?"
Buffy: "Um, she said that you are a...hunk of burning...something or other.
So, whadda' you think of that?"
Giles: "Um, I don't know. I don't, um...a burning hunk of what?"
"'Babe'? Huh, I can live with that."
Giles: "Division of self, primarily. Male and female. Light and dark."
Ethan: "Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry. That's peanut butter."
Willow: "I'm a ghost."
Giles: "A ghost of what?"
Willow: "This is nothing, you should have seen Cordelia. She's wearing a unitard
with cat ears and everythhing."
Giles: "Willow, get out of her now."
Ethan: "Hello Ripper."
"This halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne."
Ethan: "It's quite a little act you've got going here"
Giles: "It's not an act, it's me."
Ethan: "The tweed clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I don't think so."
Lie To Me
Jenny: "It's a secret."
Giles: "What kind of a secret?"
Jenny: "Uh, the kind that's secret."
Giles: "How will I know what to wear?"
Jenny: "Do you own anything else?"
Giles: "Alright, alright, I put myself in your hands."
Jenny: "That sounds like fun."
"I've been researching your friend Spike. The profile is fairly unappetizing."
Giles: "Oh, uh...right then. Well, um, just remember if you--"
Buffy: "Go! Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis."
Giles: "I--I've--I've always-I've always been interested in--in, uh...monster
trucks."
Buffy: "You took him to monster trucks?!"
Jenny: "I thought it would be a change."
Giles: "It was a change."
Jenny: "Look, we could have just left."
Giles: "Wh--what, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that."
Giles: "She was killed by an angry mob in Prague."
Buffy: "Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's
alive."
Giles: "A book! It took one of my books!"
Jenny: "Well, at least someone in this school is reading."
Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me."
Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true.
The bad guys are easily distinguished by the pointy horns or black hats. And,
uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody
lives happily ever after."
Buffy: "Liar."
The Dark Age
Giles: "Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?"
Buffy: "It's not noise, it's music."
Giles: "I know music. Music has notes. This is noise."
Buffy: "I'm aerobicizing. I must have the beat!"
Giles: "Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out
of my ears."
Buffy: "Hey, good morning. Say, is that tweed?"
Giles: "What? Oh, uh, yes. Um, now, uh, look, tonight, uh, it's very important
to come..."
Buffy: "Now that's a surprise."
Giles: "Uh, we'll meet outside the hospital at eight thirty, sharp. I'll bring
the weaponry."
Buffy: "I'll bring the party mix."
Giles: "Just don't be late."
Buffy: "Have I ever let you down?"
Giles: "Do you want me to answer that, or should I just glare?"
Ms. Calendar: "You know how you have to dog ear your favorite pages so you can
go back to them?"
Giles: "Eh-uh-oh-what?"
Ms. Calendar: "Well, I mean, I practically had to fold back every single page.
So finally, I just--I just started underlining all the pages I really wanted
to discuss."
Giles: "Uh-uh-underline?"
Ms. Calendar: "But then, of course, I spill coffee all over it. I can't even
read it."
Giles: "It's a first edition."
Ms. Calendar: "I'm lying, Rupert, the book's fine. I just love to see you squirm."
Giles: "Oh, well, I...trust I gave good...squirm."
Ms. Calendar: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else."
Ms. Calendar: "Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy duddy?"
Giles: "Well, no, actually, that part usually gets left out. I can't imagine
why."
Giles: "Uh, this...uh, Saturday?"
Ms. Calendar: "Saturday night. I'll see if I can make you squirm."
Giles: "I thought I told you to leave town."
Ethan: "You did. I didn't. Shop's lease is paid 'til the end of the month."
Cordelia: "Why did he call him 'Ripper'?"
Giles: "Should have left when I told you."(Picks Ethan up by his neck)
Cordelia: "Oh."
Giles: "I never meant for you to be involved in, in, uh, in any of this."
Ms. Calendar: "So I got involved. It's what happens when two people...get involved."
Buffy: "Is she okay?"
Giles: "Um, the hills are not alive."
Buffy: "I'm sorry to hear that...I think."
Buffy: "I'm so used to you being the grown-up, and then I find out you're aperson."
Giles: "Well, most grown-ups are."
Buffy: "Who would've thought?"
Buffy: "I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it, you know you want to."
iles: "It's not music, it's just, uh, meaningless sounds."
Buffy: "There. Feel better?"
Giles: "Yes, thanks. Bay City Rollers, now that's music."
Buffy: "I didn't hear that."
What's My Line,
Part 1
Giles: "I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of
centuries. You'd be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these
Watchers were."
Buffy: "Color me stunned."
Buffy:"Well, there you go. I don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead."
Giles: "That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I didn't laugh."
Buffy: "Wouldn't be much of a change."
Giles: "It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance, most
commonly a finger or some other body part from the saint."
Buffy: "Note to self: religion, freaky."
Giles: "Oh dear, oh dear."
Buffy: "I hate when you say that."
Willow: "So Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to
the one you slayed last night? Or, is it 'slew'?"
Giles: "Both are correct, and yes, I'm sure."
Giles: "This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society
of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon."
Xander: "And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling
League Championships?"
Giles: "Their credo is to sow discord, and kill the unwary."
Xander: "Bowling is a vicious game."
Giles: "That's enough, Xander!"
Giles: "Perhaps my words of caution were a little too alarming."
Xander: "Ya' think?!"
Giles: "Xander? No, no, I haven't heard from Buffy yet. Look-look, uh, I think
you should go to her house and check on her. Well, right a--right away. Uh, I
don't know! Get Cordelia to drive you."
What's My Line,
Part 2
Kendra: "But the Slayer must work in secret, for security."
Giles: "Of course, b-b-but with Buffy, however, it's-it's, um, some flexibilities
required."
Giles: "After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that the Slayer Handbook would be
of no use in your case."
Buffy: "Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? What--what's
wrong with my case?"
Giles: "There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive."
Willow: "It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder."
Ted
"It's--it's--it's...staking time, really. Don't you think?"
Buffy: "Any others?"
Giles: "Well, for their sakes, I certainly hope not."
Buffy: "What? Kill vampires. It's my job."
Giles: "Well, true, true, although you don't usually beat them into quite such
a bloody pulp beforehand."
Buffy: "Vampires are creeps."
Giles: "Yes, that's why we slay them."
Giles: "She's taken a human life. The guilt, it's-it's-it's pretty hard to bear.
It won't go away soon."
Cordelia: "I guess you should know since you helped raise that demon that killed
that guy that time."
Giles: "Yes, do let's bring that up as often as possible."
"I don't think it went in too deep. The advantages of layers of tweed. Better
than kevlar."
Bad Eggs
Giles: "They made their reputation by massacreing an entire Mexican village in
1886."
Buffy: "Friendly little demons."
Giles: "It was before they became vampires."
Giles: "How did the, um, hunt go last night, Buffy?"
Buffy: "No go."
Giles: "Uh, no-no you didn't go, or-or-or you were unsuccessful?"
Joyce: "Bristow's Demon Index? Hell's Offspring?"
Giles: "A...hobby of mine, uh, but, uh, having nothing to do with Buffy in any
way."
Surprise
Giles: "Here comes Buffy. Now remember, discretion is the better part of valor."
Xander: "You could have just said 'Shh.' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?"
Giles: "If Drusilla is alive, then it would--it could be a fairly...cataclysmic
state of affairs."
Xander: "Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'We'd be in trouble'?"
Giles: "Go to class, Xander."
Giles: "We're having a party, tonight."
Xander: "Looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny."
Giles: "Buffy's surprise party will go ahead as we planned, except I won't be
wearing a little hat."
Xander: "You're a great man of our time."
"His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil
can survive the process. No human ever has."
Innocence
Xander:"We were coming to save you."
Willow:"Well some of us were."
Giles: "Well, I would have."
Giles: "And we're...absolutely certain that Angel has...reverted to his former
self?"
Xander: "Yeah, uh, we're all certain. Anyone not feeling certain here?"
Cordelia: "What are we gonna' do?"
Giles: "I'm leaning towards blind panic myself."
Willow: "Giles, shut up."
Giles: "He's doing this deliberately, Buffy. He's trying to make it harder for
you."
Buffy: "He's only making it easier."
Jenny: "Is there something I can do?"
Buffy: "Get out."
Jenny: "I-I just wanna' help."
Giles: "She said 'get out'."
Phases
Giles: "Several animal carcasses were found mutilated."
Willow: "You mean like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me."
Oz: "Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take
care of themselves."
Willow: "Yeah."
Giles: "Fortunately, no people were injured."
Buffy: "Well, that falls into the 'That's a Switch' column."
"Meaning the accepted legend that werewolves only prowl during the full moon might
be erroneous."
Giles: "Yes, I must admit I-I am quite intrigued. Werewolves! It's one of the
classics. Yes, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon."
Buffy: "He needs to get a pet."
Giles: "And the full moon is...seems to bring out our darkest qualities."
Xander: "And yet, ironically, led to the invention of the moon pie."
Giles: "And it, uh, acts on pure instinct. No conscience. Predatory and aggressive."
Buffy: "In other words, your typical male."
Xander: "On behalf of my gender, "Hey!"
Giles: "Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions."
Buffy: "I didn't jump! I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were."
Giles: "Anything yet?"
Buffy: "Yes, and you won't believe what I saw! Brittany Podell was making out
with Owen Stadeel, but he goes with Barrett Williams. If she ever fou--no, um,
no-no sign of the werewolf."
Giles: "I thought we might, uh, I thought we might knock on a few windows, uh,
ask if anyone has seen anything yet."
Buffy: "Giles, noone's seeing anything."
Giles: "Yes, of course not."
Giles: "Who are you? What are you doing?"
Cain: "Name's Cain. I'm the one with the gun, which means I'm the one who gets
to do the interviewing."
Giles: "This girl risked her life trying to capture a beast that you haven't yet
been able to find."
Cain: "Uh-huh, and Daddy's doing a great job carrying her bag of milkbones."
Giles: "All set. Let's go find this thing."
Buffy: "One question: how exactly do we find this thing?"
Bewitched, Bothered
and Bewildered
Giles: "Might I have a word?"
Buffy: "Have a sentence, even."
Giles: "Better safe than sorry."
Buffy: "It's a little late for both."
Giles: "Look, here's another, here. Um, 'Valentine's Day,' yes, um, 'Angel nails
a puppy to the...'"
Buffy: "Skip it."
Giles: "But..."
Buffy: "I don't want to know. I don't have a puppy. Skip it."
Giles: "Right you are, I'll get another batch."
Giles: "I cannot believe that you were fool enough to do something like this."
Xander: "Oh no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this."
"We have to catch the Buffy rat."
"Instead of making me ill, why doesn't one of you try to help me?"
Passion
Giles: "He's just trying to provoke you, to taunt you, to-to goad you into, uh,
some mishap or some other sorts."
Xander: "The nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah approach to battle."
Giles: "Yes, Xander. Once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to
its simplest possible form."
Giles: "This is a school library, Xander."
Xander: "Since when?"
Jenny: "I know you feel betrayed."
Giles: "Yes, well that's one of the unpleasant side-effects of betrayal."
Jenny: "I didn't know I was gonna' fall in love with you. Oh God, is it too late
to take that back?"
Giles: "Do you want to?"
Giles: "So how was your night?"
Buffy: "Sleepless, but no human fatalities."
Killed By Death
Buffy: "They're out there!"
Giles: "Yes, we'll get to those...vampires later. I hear it's best to play along."
Cordelia: "Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop
on gifts."
Giles: "It's traditional among... um, people."
"Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
Willow: "So, where do we start?"
Giles: "Oh, I don't know, maybe look into the history of the hospital, bizarre
incidents, that sort of thing."
Willow: "I'm sensing a little less than full committal here."
Giles: "Oh, I suppose so. Cordelia may be homerically insensitive, but she may
also be right."
"Factor in Buffy's observation that he gives her the, uh, wiggins..."
Giles: "We'll call you if we, uh, know something."
Buffy: "Know something soon."
Xander: "Cordy, you should go with Giles."
Giles: "Why do I have to have...? Good thinking, I could do with a research assistant."
Cordelia: "Let's go, Tact Guy."
Cordelia: "Eww, what does this do?"
Giles: "It extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells."
Cordelia: "Wow! What does this one do?"
Giles: "It elongates its mouth to engulf its victims head with its incisors."
Cordelia: "Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?"
Giles: "It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working
so that nothing is getting done."
Cordelia: "Boy, there's a demon for everything!
I Only Have Eyes For You
Xander: "You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. I'll have you know I was just
accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster."
Giles: "Loch Ness Monster?"
Giles: "Sounds like paranormal phenomenon."
Willow: "A ghost? Cool!"
Xander: "This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell and I'm not
gonna take it anymore.'"
Giles: "Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate description of
a poltergeist."
Xander: "I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learnin'."
Buffy: "So we have some bad boo on our hands?"
Giles: "It lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry."
Buffy: "So it's a normal teenager. Only dead."
Giles: "I think it's very clear what's happening."
Xander: "Fill me in then. 'Cuz I've read the book, seen the movie, and I'm still
fuzzy about what's going on."
"I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. In fact I encourage you to always challenge
me when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. Except,
of course, in this instance when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
"To forgive is an action of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve
it. It's done because they need it."
Go Fish
Buffy: "So, anything new with you guys?"
Giles: "Thank you for taking an interest."
Giles: "Nothing left but skin and cartilage."
Xander: "In other words, this was no boating accident."
Giles: "Well, the good news is that it would appear that none of your team actually
died."
Buffy: "But, the bad news is... they're monsters."
Becoming - Part 1
Giles: "You have, uh, carbon-dated it?"
Doug: "Results will be back in a couple of days. I'll go out on a limb and say
old."
Doug: "Don't you like surprises?"
Giles: "Not particularly."
Giles: "Let's not lose our perspective here, Xander."
Xander: "I'm Perspective Guy. Angel's a killer."
Willow: "I need about a day, and...an Orb of Thesulah, whatever that is."
Giles: "A spirit vault for rituals of the undead. I've got one. I've been using
it as a paperweight."
Becoming - Part 2
Giles: "In order...to be worthy...you must perform the ritual...in a tutu. Pillock!"
Angel: "All right, someone get the chain saw."
Giles: "It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want."
Xander: "Then why would they make you see me?"
Giles: "You're right. Let's go."