Buffy and Xander are on patrol in the cemetery. Xander shows her the Valentine's present that he's bought Cordelia. It is a silver heart necklace. Buffy tries not to tease him about his relationship, but she can't resist. Xander thinks that Slaying is easier than dating, especially dating Cordelia. However, when he says that, a vampire attacks throwing Xander across the cemetery. Buffy slays it with ease though, and with their job done for the night they head off.

The next day at school, Cordelia is teased and then ignored by her court who don't like her going out with Xander. She is not happy about it. Later, at the end of English class, Willow brags to Amy about going out with Oz and Buffy says that she thinks Valentine's day is a big gimmick. Amy asks whether she has had a bad break-up, "believe me when I say uh-huh" says Buffy.

As the class leaves they have to hand in their homework. Xander's worked really hard on his and reckons that it is his ticket to a D-. When Amy reaches the teacher's desk she mimes handing her paper to the teacher, who accepts it without question. Xander watches with awe.

Xander goes to catch up with Willow and Buffy and tells them about Amy's magic. The others think that after the amount of problems Amy's family have had with magic she'd stay well away. They run into Giles and as they walk past the Computer lab Jenny Calendar comes out to talk to Giles. It is a very awkward moment, especially how cold Giles and Buffy are towards Jenny. Leaving Willow and Xander with Jenny, Buffy and Giles head off to the library where Giles tells Buffy about Angel's feeding pattern and 'presents' around Valentine's Day. He suggests that Buffy stays off the streets for the next couple of days.

Meanwhile, at the Factory, Spike gives Dru her Valentine's gift: a beautiful ruby necklace. As she admires it, Angel slaps a human heart (which he got from a quaint little shop-girl) on the table in front of her. The tension shoots up when Angel implies out that Dru only does things for Spike out of pity.

That night it is the annual Valentine's dance at the Bronze. Willow plays groupie and drools over Oz and his cool hair. Cordelia is snubbed again by her court while Xander tries to muster the courage to give Cordy her gift. He finally goes for it wirth a long speech about tawdry emotions and their relationship then gives Cordy the necklace. She is obviously impressed, but (and there's always a but...) after she thanks him she tells him that she wants to break up. To say that Xander is a little shocked, doesn't really describe it, he shouts at her then walks off leaving her standing there.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Joyce are following the age old ritual of the loveless by pigging out in front of the TV. The doorbell rings and Buffy goes to answer it, but there's no one there. Buffy goes back into the living room and her mother has gone. Worried (this is the hellmouth after all) Buffy goes into the Kitchen, still no one there. There is a noise behind her, she whirls around to face her mum who is holding a long black box. it is a present for Buffy. She opens it and inside there are a dozen red roses and a card which reads 'soon,' Angel has said it with flowers.

The next day, Xander walks the halls of the school with everyone's eyes on him. Xander runs into Cordelia and her court. Her court makes fun of xander (learn another language so more people can reject you), Cordelia (unusually) stays silent. Xander walks off looking for someone on his side and bumps into Buffy, she can't stay and chat though, she's on her way to tell Giles about Angel's little Valentine's gift. He spots Amy and pulls her aside. He tells her that he saw her working magic on the English teacher and that Blackmail is such an ugly word. He pulls her into the English classroom and tells her that he wants to put a love spell on Cordy so that he can dump her. Amy warns him that love spells have to be done for a pure reason. Xander counters that revenge is as pure as the driven snow. Amy tells him that she'll need something of Cordy's to work the spell. Xander goes off to find Cordy and tells her that he wants the necklace back. She says that it is in her locker, but it turns out that she is wearing it.

In the Library, Buffy shows Giles the note she got from Angel and wants to know what Giles is keeping from her about Angel. She wants to know what she is up against.

That night, Xander and Amy perform the love spell, Xander has to sit in the middle of a red painted circle with three lines painted on his chest and a big candle in his lap. Amy chants while mixing up herbs and stuff over a bunsen burner. Once she finishes the spell she tells Xander to blow out the candle, and the spell is done.

The next day Xander goes to confront Cordelia assuming that the spell has worked, but there is no change in Cordelia's attitude. Xander is a little bummed that the spell didn't work and heads off to the library. Now the weirdness starts. Buffy comiserates with xander about his break up, but offers to cheer himself up, Xander asks whether this would include lap dancing, Buffy says maybe, before coming on to him, she is about to kiss him when Amy walks in, wanting to have a word with Xander. Xander relutantly lets go of Buffy and heads outside with Amy who comes on to him. he realises what is going on when another girl from one of his classes walks up saying how it's strange that you see someone everyday, but not really see them.

Xander decides to make a quick exit and goes home, thinking he'd be safe there. When he sits down on his bed he almost sits on top of Willow who's hiding under the covers wearing just a shirt. He tries to get her to leave, but she's having none of it and corners him against his bedroom door, telling him that she wants him to be her first. Xander tries in vain to get her to back off but she starts nibbling his ear. He pushes her off and escapes leaving her standing there.

The next day in school, Xander walks in with everyone's eyes on him again, the girls adoringly, the boys angrily and jealously. He goes to the library to hide and finds Giles there. He tells Giles about the spell and apologises but Giles is very, very cross about it. Just then Jenny comes in to try and apologise to Giles but as soon as she sees Xander she becomes very distracted. Giles says that he'll go and find Amy and takes Jenny with him. Xander pulls the card catalogue in front f the library doors but bforgets that the doors open both ways.

Buffy walks in, dressed in high heeled shoes and a short raincoat and nothing else. She asks Xander to open 'his present', he refuses and she gets annoyed she corners him on the stairs and asks whether their relationship is just a joke. He tries to calm her down but at that moment Amy walks in. She wants Xander for herself. Buffy punches Amy for daring to look at Xander and Amy retaliates by turning Buffy into a rat. Giles and Jenny walk back in and see the Buffy rat. Giles and Xander try to catch her but Oz walks in and punches Xander on the nose, allowing Buffy to escape from the Library. Oz tells Xander that he spent all night on the phone to a crying Willow which left him with a terrible urge to punch him. Giles sends Xander home, telling him that he's caused enough trouble already and sends Oz to find the Buffy rat.

Xander is walking down the hall when he sees a huge group of girls attacking Cordelia, he wades in and pulls them off her, scoops her into his arm and carries her out.

Giles is trying to get Amy and Jenny to help him reverse the spells but they are too busy arguing over Xander.

Xander and Cordelia escape one mob, only to run into another, led by an upset, axe-wielding Willow. The two angry mobs collide giving Xander and Cordy enough time to escape. they get as far as Buffy's house and decide that it'll be a safe place to hide. Joyce is home and lets them in, sending Cordy upstairs to get some medical supplies to patch them up with. Joyce offers to make a hot drink for Xander before coming onto him. Cordelia catches her and manhandles her out of the house telling Joyce to keep her mom-aged paws off her (former) boyfriend.

Joyce tries to break in, so Cordy and Xander head up to Buffy's room, Xander thinks that they should be safe there, and they are until Angel pulls Xander out of the window and onto the roof. He throws Xander onto the front garden and starts to beat Xander. he is about to bite him when Drusilla turns up and throws Angel out of the way. She tells Angel off and kisses xander, saying that she'll make him a vampire. She is about to do it when the two mobs show up and go for Xander, Cordelia manages to pull him free (before Axe-happy Willow gets to him) and they lock themselves in buffy's house, before locking themselves in the cellar.

Xander starts nailing planks of wood across the door while Cordelia argues with him. To shut her up, Xander tells her that the spell was meant for her, only she is too thick skinned for it to work. The girls begin to break the door down and they retreat further into the cellar. The mob gets in and start to advance on Xander and Cordy.

back at the school Giles and Any are reversing the spells. Oz is in the basement of the school, still looking for the elusive Buffy rat. Amy reverses the rat spell and Buffy becomes human again, albeit naked. Giles then reverses the love spell, just in time. Buffy is very embarrassed to be found by Oz, but as he points out, she's not a rat. He goes off to find her some clothes.

In Buffy's cellar, Cordelia tells everyone that it was a great 'scavenger hunt' in the hopes that no one remembers the truth.

the next morning, everything seems back to normal, apart from Willow who is still upset with Xander. As Buffy points out Willow was in love with Xander before he cast the spell (so he definitely knows now).

Outside, in the quad, Cordelia is with her court. Harmony is bitching about other students until Cordelia tells her off for being a sheep. And tells al of them that she can wear what she likes and date whoever she wants to (no matter how lame they are) because she is no sheep. She spots Xander walking ahead (he overheard all of it) and she catches him up. As they walk off, Cordy realises exactly what she did and is mortified. Xander tells her everything will be okay and they can argue loads around her friends.

Our View
By far our favourite epsiode, funny, witty and lots of Xander (a girl can't ask for anything more:-)) Xander's ultimate wish becomes his ultimate nightmare, but it makes him a better person (for a little while at least) while making us scream with laughter, especially Buffy in a raincoat. At least it proves that Xander can be a gentleman.

Our Score - 10 (we'd give it more if our rating system went above 10)
(*****, A+, A++, 1st etc etc)

The Professional View
One of the funniest fourty minutes of US television in living memory, taking an age old sitcom idea (loser-guy-becomes-a-babe-magnet-through-neferious-skulduggery) and blugeoning it to death with so many great one-liners you lose count. Further comment is redundant. I'd give this a twelve if I could, but instead . . .

Their score - 10