"Judgment"


Wesley: Nasty demon, unknown origin.
Angel: Awful lot of that in this town. I'm sure he'll feel right at home.

Wesley: I need Suliman's Compendium
[Screams as a book flies of shelf.]
Cordelia: Don't yell like that. You will scare him.
Wesley: Scare him?

Wesley: I may have someone who can help.
Angel: Who?
Wesley: A parasite demon named Merl.
Cordelia: Maybe it's time to pay your stoolie a little visit. Make with the chin music until he canaries. [off look] I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo.

Wesley: There's a place he hangs out. A safe haven for demons. I've been meaning to take you there; I think it may be of use for us. But...
Angel: But what?
Wesley: It's a little outside the box.
Demon: I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!

Cordelia: Who is this guy?
Wesley: He's...anagogic.
Cordelia: Really? He looks like he's eating enough.

Wesley: He was good?
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: And you... ::CLECKK::?
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: Ooooh, that's bad. Which, of course, you already...

Wesley: Cordelia said he was a nasty.
Cordelia: Well, he looked nasty.

Wesley: What? We're supposed to think a creature like that could change his modus operandi overnight? Turn into some noble protector and...defender of...oh God.

Cordelia: Who is it?
Gunn: Gunn.
Wesley: What was that?
Cordelia: Something about a gun. What if it's a demon with a gun!?
Wesley: Listen up. Whoever you are. We're well-armed and we know how to do battle, so if you know what's good for you...
Cordelia: My name is Gunn. Angel sent me.

Cordelia: Wesley, you've heard Angel talk about Gun. He's a great guy with a really fly street tag.
Wesley: What's he fly?
Cordelia: It's how they know you on the street, dorko. Gun! It really let's you know you mean business.
Gunn: It's my name. Charles Gunn. Two N's.

Cordelia: It's nice to finally meet.
Gunn: I've seen you before.
Cordelia: Really? The Tan-n-Screen commercials!
Gunn: I saw you in bed.
Cordelia: What?!
Wesley: I can see this is none of my business.
Gunn: You, too.
Wesley: Now just a moment!

Wesley: Good idea. Start over with a fresh slate.
Angel: Actually, we're starting over with no slate.


"First Impressions"

Cordelia: I give up.
Wesley: Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting...

Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.

Shotgun!


Angel: I can't lift my arm all the way.
Gunn: This vamp did a number on my ribs.
Wesley: 'Fraid I threw my back out again.

Wesley: That was quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know! Talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No. I - I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh. Well, he's always great.
Wesley: (to Angel) What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't love Denzel?

Angel: What are you doing here?
Wesley: Gunn's in trouble. Can't. Breathe.
Angel: Gunn can't breathe?
Wesley: I...can't...breathe.
Angel: Oh. Sorry.
Wesley: Uh. Oh, s'quite all right. Now, about the naked thing.
Angel: I'll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.

Wesley: What's the problem?
Angel: It's just, you know, the whole visibility issue not to mention the whole hat head thing, and I mean, when you really think about it how come I have to wear the lady's helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

Wesley: Looks good. Hop on board gorgeous.
Angel: You'll pay for this.

Wesley: Angel, look. I found your keys. Unfortunately, this substance doesn't appear to be coming off.
Angel: What is that?
Wesley: Demon blood. Or demon pus. Or possibly both.

 


"Untouched"

Wesley: I am not a sheep!
Cordelia: You are *such* a sheep. You've never a single opinion you didn't read in a book.
Wesley: At least I've opened a book.
Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!
Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?

Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should offer to pay Gunn.
Angel: No you weren't.
Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about 3 minutes, then it's strictly name calling and hair pulling.

Cordelia: No think! Pay. That's an order.
Angel: Hey. How about we pretend that you work for me.
Cordelia: You are really unpleasant when you --
Angel: Then why don't we pretend that you don't.
Cordelia: You can't fire me. I'm Vision Girl.

Wesley: That's an ugly looking wound.
Angel: Doesn't feel pretty either.

We should definitely approach this girl with caution. I guess you already figured that out.

Cordelia: There's something. She's got a vibe. I'm getting a vibe. She's vibe-y.
Wesley: I didn't notice a vibe.
Cordelia: Well, all evidence to the contrary, Wes, but you're not a woman.

Wesley: Statistically speaking, the father was the best guess.
Cordelia: There's not enough yuck in the world.

 


"Dear Boy"
Wesley: Where's it all going?
Cordelia: Well, there's the fixed costs, the mortgage on the giant hotel, my salary, there's lots of other--
Wesley: Well, what about my salary? It's fixed, too.
Cordelia: What if, every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie.
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea. No. Get a vision!
Cordelia: Well it's not like you can hit me in the head and "wham!" it happens.
Wesley: What if, we test that theory with one of my big old books?

Angel: We're gonna need some muscle. Call Gunn. He's on the payroll now.
Wesley: Right! But not in a fixed way like me.

Angel: So kill the big ugly. Unthralls the groupies; they stop killing each other.
Wesley: Absolutely. Yes. That's...the theory.

Client: He didn't seem that--
Wesley: Oh, he's an eccentric, all the great ones are. Sherlock Holmes, Phillip Marlowe...
Client: Those are fictional characters.
Wesley: Yes, right you are! Which gives Angel rather a leg up when you come to think of it.

I need to speak to you, man to man. Cordelia, you may not want to be here for this. (wilts) Was it something I did?

Wesley: You said yourself you've been having dreams, lately. Maybe it's guilt over killing your sire.
Cordelia: Right! Guilt! Who loves guilt like you love guilt?

Wesley: The woman walked into direct sunlight. Obviously she's not a vampire, obviously Angel...made a mistake.
Cordelia: Ya' think?
Wesley: You're among friends, we're not going to condemn you.
Cordelia: Right. (to Angel) You're crazy, you need professional help.

Angel: It was Darla. She's back, and she's human now, but I know her scent.
Wesley: Angel, you can't just sniff a person and --
Angel: You had sex last night, with a bleached blond.
Wesley: Good lord! How --
Cordelia: That's unbelievable. I didn't think you ever had sex.

Wesley: You really stood up to him. "Next time I talk to him, I won't weenie out like you, Wesley."
Cordelia: Don't start with me. And if I sound like that shoot me. (Wes pulls out a tranqulizer gun) Just a joke!

Gunn: As evil blood-suck vampires go, how would you rate Angelus?
Wesley: Historically, as bad as they come. Especially when he was with his sire, Darla.
Cordelia: We're researching her now to see if she has some kind of resurrection powers. Maybe she's a vampire cat with nine lives!

Gunn: So, he and Darla together, bad combo.
Wesley: They rampaged through half the known world, until Angel got his soul.
Cordelia: Imagine Bonnie and Clyde if they had 150 years to get it right.


Wesley: There's going to be trouble.
Angel: There's gonna be a lot of trouble. And I say, bring it on.

 

 


"Guise Will Be Guise"

Customer: What about you? You got any special abilities?
Wesley: A few, I dare say.
Customer: Are you a creature of the night?
Wesley: No. But I was a Rogue Demon Hunter, so I know how to handle myself when things get rough.
(Slips on files. Falls on face.)
Customer: Yeah. You're scary.

Cordelia: What are you doing?
Wesley: Oh, knocking things over, driving away business...You know, the usual.

Cordelia: (spinning in chair) Hey, look at me! I'm Angel!
Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
Cordelia: Right! (Picking up book) This is Angel. "Oh, no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."

I'm Angel. (nearly falls) You're looking for me?

Wesley: Blood. I don't usually...drink in front of humans.
Bryce: Don't insult me. Go on. It's fresh.
(Wes gulps some down.)
Wesley: Dear God. That's...nummy.

Virginia: Oh, look. The vampire's here.
Wesley: Um...yes. Hello.
Virginia: Well, daddy knows how to send out for just about anything.
Bryce: Virginia, play nice. Angel's gone out of his way to help us.
Virginia: No he hasn't. You probably brought him here at gunpoint.

Virginia: Let's go shopping.
Wesley: What? Now? It's the middle of the night. Wouldn't you rather wait for morning...When I can't reasonably leave the house. Yes, as your bodyguard, I insist we go at once.

Yes, I am. I'm Angel...the vampire with a soul. Fighting for my redemption with...with...killing evil demons. That's right! Scourge of the demon world. Don't worry, boys, I don't kill humans. Unless I'm...angry.

Bryce: I think about getting my own place, a little apartment. A job -- something silly, like...a perfume sprayer, or...working in a tire store.
Wesley: A tire store?
Bryce: I told you it was ridiculous.
Wesley: It sounds wonderful. Rotating tires. Inflating...things.

Wesley: You know, this whole "curse" thing has been widely misinterpreted.
Virginia: Really?
Wesley: Oh yes. Less-- less of a curse, more of a...hex, really. Barely that. A recommendation.

Angel: What's going on? Where you in Virginia?
Wesley: That's beside the point.


Wesley: We have to go. Angel, you take Gunn and go to the front of the house. Cordelia, we'll go around the back...
Angel: Wesley?
Wesley: Oh, right. I'm sorry. You know this sort of thing best. How should we proceed? Angel: Um...Well, Gunn and I could...take the back?
Wesley: Very good. Let's go.
Angel: Um, Wesley? Can I get my coat back?

Wesley: Release her or die.
Angel: Don't I say that?

 


"Darla"
Angel: What is it, Wesley?
Wesley: It? There's no it. It's nothing, really.

Wesley: The last time Darla emerged, she wanted to be found. Now, she's out there among six million other people.
Cordelia: She could be sitting on top of anybody.

Gunn: Big law firm. They gotta have housing for the out-of-towners, right?
Wesley: "Out-of-towners"? It's not as if they flew her in from Miami. She was raised from the very depths of hell by an ancient and dangerous ritual.
Gunn: Yeah? And? They still gotta put her up don't they?

Wesley: Perhaps it would be best if you let me contact Gunn, and he and I could check this out. We could do the reconnaissance, give you a full report, and we can all decide how to proceed. As a team.
Cordelia: Probably a good idea since it's one o'clock in the afternoon and that address is in Sun Valley.

Wesley: You know better than anyone what she was.
Angel: What we were. And I know what she's going through. And unlike me, maybe she won't have to go through it alone.
Cordelia: You're not alone.

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