Season One
The Bachelor Party
Richard: You left out the part about him being such a handsome fellow.
Angel: I'm not . . .
Richard: Oh, you are. Really.
Angel: I'm not Doyle. He is.
Richard: Oh, that's more like it.
Richard: I'm not quite myself what with the wedding only a few days off now.
Doyle: There's a wedding?
Richard: I wasn't supposed to say that yet, was I?
Richard: Do we really have to have the buffalo wings? I could have the guys in the kitchen whip up a foie gras.
Brother #1: It's a bachelor party, Rich. You're supposed to eat bad and drink beer. It's a tradition.
Mom: Don't forget the girl who does the strip tease. What? You think I don't know? Let's make sure all she does is tease.
Richard: Well, I just hope that sort of hijinks doesn't create a bad impression with Doyle.
Aunt: Who's Doyle?
Brother #1: Harry's first husband. Richard invited him.
Richard: He's really very sweet. I think you'll all enjoy him.
Uncle John: Let's see. First we greet the man of the hour. Then we drink. Bring out the food. Then drink. Then comes the stripper. Darts. And then we have the ritual eating of the first husband's brains. Then charades.
Brother #2: Wait. What was that? Charades?
Richard: Angel! Hey, this is a surprise.
Angel: Yeah, I thought I'd use the door this time.
Richard: Everyone, this night is for Doyle as much as it is for me. More even. He's the real bachelor here.
Doyle: Yeah, thanks for not rubbing that in right away.
Richard: I hope Harriet doesn't hear about that.
Doyle: Not from me she won't.
Richard: Yeah, I know. You're a good half man.
Uncle: Nick, what's this?
Brother #1: You said to get a utensil
Uncle: This is a shrimp fork. He's gonna eat the guy's brains with a shrimp fork?
Brother #1: Well, pardon me if our ancient ancestors didn't leave behind any former husband brain eating forks.
Uncle: Get a soup spoon, you moron.
Doyle: Look, Richard, as much as I like your family -- and they're great, honest -- I'd really prefer if they didn't cannibalize me.
Richard: Oh, no. You misunderstand.
Doyle: I do?
Richard: It'll just be me.
Doyle: Why don't I just give you that hug, and we'll call it even?
Doyle: Yeah, I take it back!
Richard: Oh. Well. I see. Now I'm not so sure I even want to eat your brains.
Uncle: Don't be petulant, Richard. You'll eat his brains. You can't take back a blessing. Now apologize to your friend.
Richard: He's right. That was rude. I'd be honored to eat your brains.
Angel: Party's over.
Brother #1: You brought a vampire to my brother's bachelor party?!
Harry: Stop it right this instant!
Richard: Hun bun? This is for guys only.
Harry: I know what you're up to Richard Howard Straley.
Richard: The stripper wasn't my idea, pook. I swear.
Harry: Not the stripper, Richard! < pause > There was a stripper?
Harry: Were you or were you not intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?
Richard: In a way . . . .
Harry: And when were you planning on telling me?
Richard: I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.
Harry: You were going to start our life out together with deceit?
Doyle: Sort of missing the point, isn't she?